Wednesday, August 30, 2006

To the girl in front of me in the salad bar line:

Bitch, you either like garbonzo beans or you don't. There is absolutely no reason under the sun why you needed to agonize over the decision as long as you did. What WERE you thinking about? What really was the debate going on in your head? What would happen if you DIDN'T get the garbonzo beans? Or what would happen if you DID? Who are you? The Hamlet of Salad Bars? In the future, I would suggest just getting the garbonzo beans and keeping them sort of together and to the side , and if you then realized (I'm sure to your utter horror) that you made the wrong decision, and you didn't want the garbonzo beans afterall, you (or someone you trust) could remove them with some ease.

Oh, and please. If you are ever on a plane don't sit in an exit row. I just don't think you could handle it.

Oh. And throw away the ugly ass sweater that you were wearing.

1 comment:

Mary Moore said...

This is probably the best thing I've read all week, even though you wrote it seven years ago. I can relate to the salad bar anger.