Friday, November 03, 2006

Guide to a Chemically Altered Law School Experience

I don't know how any law school student can get by completely drug free for all 3 years. I know I didn't. Never anything illegal or unprescribed, mind you. I want to be a prosecutor so I can't be a hypocrite. However, the prescribed and legal ones are lovely. Mostly. As long as they're not used in excess*. For anyone who knows the story of How Grace Spent Her Summer, you'd know that being as chemically altered as possible on any given day is not just forgivable- it's actually the responsible thing to do. So here's a list of drugs that "people I know" have used to help them manage their law school experiences.

Adderall- Supposed to be used for ADD/ADHD. The go-to drug for getting through writing your appellate brief and learning the Federal Rules of Evidence at the same time.

Alcohol- Not an occasion where it's inappropriate. Except maybe during an exam. But I bet an argument can be made that that's appropriate too. *Excess rule doesn't apply.

Ambien- For nights when you forgot to drink alcohol and can't fall asleep. it's really good, and you don't wake up groggy.

Caffeine- If at all possible have it injected directly into your bloodstream every 30 minutes.

Codeine- Ehh... it's good if you've been sitting in uncomfortable chairs for too long. It's great with a glass of cabernet.

Darvocet- See Codeine.

Dexedrine- Also used for ADD/ADHD. It's a yummy little amphetamine that makes you be able to A. Study more, B. Smoke more, C. Drink more. Side effect is you also tend to talk more. And you sometimes sound like you're on crack.

Lexapro- Eh... some people like it alot. Apparently it's a little mellower than wellbutrin.

Nicotine- As a recent non-smoker, I can't say enough good things about these little cures to every problem. I miss them.

Trazadone- After you've been up for 3 days straight, writing your evidence mid term because your professor is an asshole who GIVES midterms, and you now have the jitters from lack of sleep, but you need to sleep. Take this. You'll go to sleep. The only problem is that I don't think it's really sleep. I think it's more like knocked out. So don't take it if you have something to wake up for the next day. You won't be in top form, to say the least.

Tylenol 3- Like Codeine, but better with a white wine.

Vicodin- See Codeine.

Wellbutrin- This is a nice anti-depressant. In a low dose, it works for smoking cessation. In a higher dose, it's different. Your pathetic life is still your pathetic life, but now it seems there's a laugh track in the background. Can give you the shakes though, so don't take it before you have to hand-write your exams. Why in the world would you hand-write your exams anyway?

Xanax- You get a little nervous? Take a xanax. Get pissed off at your family/girlfriend/boyfriend because you are too busy with law school to drive out to the suburbs for dinner? Take a xanax. None of the printers work at your school and you have to turn a paper in? Take a xanax. Forget to drink? Take a xanax. Wake up in the middle of the night worrying about how you'll ever pay back your student loans? Take a xanax. It's a day ending in "Y"? Take a xanax.

Note- I am not a Doctor. If you choose to try these drugs please consult one. You'll have to go to one anyway because these are mostly prescriptions.


dixie said...

for a minute i thought you forgot precious xanax.

you are so girly with your new pink blog :-)

LawStudentGuyPerson said...

A woman after my own heart...I can only hope in some way I inspired this post.

Though I must say I trust the natural remedies far more than over-the-counter chemicals.

Grace said...

Dixie- Yes, I'm trying to femme it up a bit. I'm tired of everyone thinking of me as the "butch one" :-)

Lawstudentguyperson- Actually it did inspire me a bit! I'm thinking it's also sort of a public service announcement. I mean, I never bothered being a mentor to 1L's or anything. So I need to do my part in one way or another.

East of Oregon said...

Found your blog today - I started one myself a few days ago... check it out
east of oregon

Nel said...

My sister showed me your blog today and I have been going through the archives. This made laugh so hard I had tears streaming down my face!

My sister start law school in a few days and LOVES that you do this!