Wednesday, November 08, 2006

MC with the junkie who watched my friend die the other day:

Apparently you were the one who called the sheriff's office to report him. All anyone was told was that he was dead, and he was hanging out with a fellow junkie when he died. Oh. But I just learned an added detail. It does mention in the paper that our friend was found face down on a bed. I don't know what difference that makes. But now it's three things I know about my friend. 1. he's dead of a heroin overdose. 2. You were with him. 3. He was found face down on a bed. I'm really only concerned with number 2, though. You were with him when he died. And no one knows who you are. Maybe you can answer some questions for me. Since you were with him when he died. These are in no particular order.

1. Did he kill himself, or was it accidental? Seriously. We don't know. Did he say anything? Did he say he wanted to die? Or did he say something was really really wrong and he needed medical attention but you were too fucked up yourself to deal with it?

2. when did you notice there was something wrong? And what did you do about it? How long did you wait? Did you call the sheriff's office right away? Did you pass out and wake up and he was lying face down on the bed?

3. Was he scared? Did he know he was about to die? Did you know he was about to die? And if so, did you comfort him? Did you put his head in your lap and stroke his cheek and tell him that he was loved by so many people? Did you whisper that everything was going to be ok, and remind him of what an extraordinary man he was? Did you tell him that people would miss him? Did you tell him that he was and always will be more than a junkie? No. I bet you didn't. I bet you sat there and watched him die. Maybe you were hoping he would die just in case he had more heroin in his pocket that would then be up for grabs.

4. Was he in physical pain? Was he pale? Were his beautiful arms just completely ravaged by needles? What was he wearing? Was he cold? Did you offer him a blanket? Or did your addiction strip you of your humanity. Do you think it stripped my friend of his?

5. Did he seem sad? I know that seems like a dumb question. How could he not seem sad? Did he say what he was sad about? Or do junkies not talk feelings? Or did you just not care?

6. Did he say that he missed me? No. Don't answer that. I don't think I want to know.

7. Did you stay with him while he died? Or did you leave him alone, after you reached in his pockets and stole what remained of his money or his dope, to die face down on a bed all alone. To die alone with no one to comfort him?

8. What could we have done to save him that we didn't already do?

I wish I could know. Not like you would read this. You don't have a computer. I'm sure if you did, you sold it for drugs. My friend probably sold his, too. Before he died face down on a bed a from a heroin overdose.

His memorial service was today, I did not go. I had many many friends go in my place. I decided to stay home and write my paper and presentation on "Abuse of Subpoenas" which is due on Monday night. Did you go to his memorial service? Do you remember he died? You were with him, remember? At the memorial service, were you reminded of how cool he was, and how smart and FUCKING HILARIOUS he was like everyone else there was? Or do junkies just stick to knowing and feeding off of personalities of people who are at their very emotional lowest?

Was he just a moment in your life of no real consequence? Or did you love him? E loved him. J loved him. I loved him. His family loved him. Does your family love you? Do they feel about you how we feel about him? If so, my heart breaks again for your people. Because it's just a matter of time before they are asking the same questions that I am, but of some new junkie who reported you lying face down on a bed. Dead of a heroin overdose.

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