Monday, November 27, 2006

"Street Law"

I had to register for classes the other day for my FINAL SEMESTER OF LAW SCHOOL. So here's what I'm taking:

1. Wills & Trusts
2. Secured Transactions
3. Selected Issues in Criminal Law Seminar (because I couldn't get in to "Law & Emotion Seminar" So fucking unfair.

4. Street Law.

Wait. What's that last one? Street Law? What the fuck is Street Law? Admittedly, I signed up without knowing the answer to this question myself. But my fantasy syllabus for Street Law looked something like this.

Week 1. Your cousins baby daddy who stole your dope- to cap or not to cap his ass?

Week 2. The art of fake bling

Week 3. How to "represent" while driving a stolen stick shift.

Week 4. Fashion forward on gang colors: "playa yet practical".

Well, turns out that's not what the class is about. Apparently it involves going to high schools to teach the students about their rights should they get arrested. You have GOT to be kidding me. Why can't I go to the school and tell the students "Hey,you little fuckstains. Don't sell drugs. Don't rape girls, and don't shoot people or you're going to jail " No. I have to go teach them different ways to sass the cops and the State's Attorneys when they've been caught selling smack to knocked up 4th graders. And let's be honest. What the fuck is the point when I can't go in there and tell the the truth anyway? Im sure that they're really going to understand this concept: If you have been taken to the police station, held in a closed room for 15 hours for "questioning", you are not entitled to an attorney because you haven't "technically" been arrested and you should have known that you were free to leave EVEN IF YOU'RE HANDCUFFED TO THE WALL.

Really the only advice I would be comfortable giving is this:

If you've got nothing to hide FOR REAL and you've been pulled over, resist the urge to act like a little punk ass bitch. IT'S NOT THE FUCKING TIME.

If you get pulled over and you HAVE done something wrong, try crying.

And I'm going to get 3 credit hours for that?

I went to a VERY liberal high school. So liberal that our field trips included anti-censorship rallies. The only advice I ever remember getting on what to do if we were to get arrested at one of these rallies came from my acting teacher. On the school bus, she told us this: "Stay within a few feet of your buddy at all times. If it looks like police are trying to arrest you, trade shirts with your buddy"

Ah simpler times.

1 comment:

dixie said...

get out of that class as fast as you can!!

way too much work for your last semester of law school.... barf.