Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Additionally...

I don't know if this would bug me so much if I wasn't SO tired, but whatever. So, there's a temporary ban on adopting or buying black cats during the Halloween season. Not long, just about a week before Halloween. This is to prevent people who may want to adopt the cat for some sort of Halloween weirdness or cruelty who have no actual intentions of caring for it. I think that's fine. I mean, really. If this temporary restriction saves even one cat, then I think it's worth it.

HERE'S the problem: There are people who are actively against this temporary ban. And you wanna know why? Ok, I'll tell you. If you're ready to hear the most short bus thing you've ever heard. These people are opposed to it because IT PERPETUATES A NEGATIVE STIGMA OF BLACK CATS.

I'm sorry, but the fucking cats don't even know they're black. I can GUARANTEE they don't give a shit. Cats don't give a shit about anything. But stupid people have to go get all worked up over it.

This is the point whereI would add my commentary. And point out all the reasons this is fucking ridiculous, and all of the more serious problems this country should be worrying about. But this sort of douchebag insanity speaks for itself.

Happy Halloween, stupid black cat ban protesters. I hope your children get apples with razor blades in them.

I'm going to try and take a nap now.

A Cornucopia of Topics, (If You Will)*

1. My dog ate my toothbrush last night. I think it was out of anger, but I'm not sure. My dog only knows how to look happy.

2. My ex-girlfriend and her wife were in town visiting this weekend. I know it's weird, but I love the wife, and I love the ex SO much more that I don't have to be with her. She's so much easier to get along with. I had such a good time with them, that I literally cried when the weekend was over. The only thing that kind of sucked is more of my friends from Law School or the Gayborhood couldn't meet them.

3. In the past 2 weeks I have recieved my 2 favorite text messages ever: One of them I can't repeat because it's a poem using my actual name, and even though the only people who read this actually know my real name, on the off chance someone else does, I don't want to take a chance. However, since the poem was SO drunkenly written, the end part doesn't rhyme so I'll tell you that it involved pajamas, grandmas, and llamas. I love her!!

And the SECOND text from someone who shall remain nameless but is SO f****** funny, sent to me this regarding a friend with a fake leg: "We just took D's leg off to hit a stripper upside the head" I re-read that like every day to make me laugh.

4. I've been awake since about 3 in the morning. I hate that I can't sleep very well. BUT I did get to watch "Blast From The Past" starring Brendan Frasier and Alicia Silverstone.

5. More salmonella outbreaks. If I were a salmon, I'd sue over the name salmonella. I wonder if salmonella also swims upstream.

6. George Bush STILL says nuculer. What a fuckstain.

7. I have to take the MPRE on Saturday.

* bonus points if you remember why I chose these specific words.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Is Kelly Ripa on crack?

Seriously. What's wrong with her?

Sunday, October 15, 2006

My Love Affair with Law School

Is over. OH MY GOD IT IS SO OVER. I'm sitting here at my table, trying to research caselaw for class tomorrow. I've been at the computer for 2 hours. In that time, I have:

1. Googled "Paris and Nicole" to see if they're still getting along.
2. Googled my ex who I broke up with in, like 1998.
3. Googled all of the attorneys who I work for.
4. Googled Karl Lagerfeld.
5. Worried about whether I was a fundamentally good person.
6. Went on Ebay to see if they had any vintage Karl Lagerfeld.
7. Googled Siamese Twins to see how many different sets I could find pictures of.
8. Went to Wonkette.com, my favorite political website to see if there's any new dish on the Mark Foley Scandal AKA "Pagefuckergate".
9. Looked at pictures from my best friends wedding. All 534,635,245 of them. I look fat in about half.
10. Stared blankly into space.
11. Thought about different kinds of soups.

But I have not looked up any case law.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

E-Coli Outbreak- A conspiracy?

I think it is. I think it's a conspiracy by the fast food industry. Here's why:

Today I went to get my lunch at the salad bar at my university. It usually looks pretty fresh and they always have bacon bits so I am excited. I fill my bowl with lettuce and cucumber and broccoli and all of the rest of the veggie crap that goes in salads. I top it off with the aforementioned bacon bits and sparingly add some vinaigrette dressing. You know, keeping it healthy-ish.

Then I walk to the counter to pay. My salad costs about $4.50. I pay the lady, leave, and walk down to the law school student lounge to eat it.

I sit down next to my friend and start eating my salad. I get about two bites in when news reports start flashing through my mind. Spinach. E-coli. Fresh lettuce. New threats in new lettuce. People are dying from salad.

I look down at my salad, trying to see if I can see E-coli in there somewhere. Shit. You can't see E-coli. I try other methods of testing to see if my salad is tainted. I put the lid back in and shake the salad up, testing to see how well the dressing sticks to the lettuce. That may give me some answers. Except that I don't remember ever shaking my salad to see how well the dressing sticks before, so I have no basis for comparison. And of course I smell the salad. Again, not knowing what E-Coli smells like.

I decide to just get over it, and eat the freakin salad. I bought it, and it's certainly not tainted with E-Coli. I open the lid back up and get ready to take a bite. But once you start thinking E-Coli, it's kind of hard to put that fear to rest. So I threw my brand new salad away.

So long story short, here's the conspiracy: I am now eating an Arby's crispy chicken sandwich with bacon and an order of fries. For health reasons.

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Random Thoughts

I keep on thinking that I want to write something important. Or tell a story of all the crazy things/people/events that have occurred in my life. Apparently I don't have the attention span to tell a full story.

So here a few tidbits:

1. I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE the Mark Foley Scandal. I can't get enough of it. Every last sordid detail is freakin GENIUS. The only problem is that the the stupid crappy republican douchebags are actually trying to turn this into not only a Democratic conspiracy as far as the timing of the revelation that Foley was a dirty little page banger, but ALSO turn it into a gay conspiracy. Like all the gay members of the house all knew and had Foley's back so they too get could some young boy page lovin' of their own. I don't think that anyone is going to believe that though. So I can go back to completely loving this tawdry nonsense.

2. Everything else in the news is unspeakbly awful. Little Amish Girls. North Korea. A real live Silence of the Lambstorture chamber. A father stabbing to death his four children. All of the school shootings. A triple murder right here in Chicago this weekend. Tapered jeans making a comeback. Fuck. Judy Baar Topinka. We really need to get a TV Channel or a newspaper that only contains information on the Mark Foley scandal and... Brangelina. It's really all I can handle right now.

3. I had a weird experience this weekend. Someone came in town for a last minute visit . Primarily to see me. And the fairly bizarre situation got me really overwhelmed, freaked out, and spooked, and ultimately I didn't, or wouldn't see her at all. And I probably lost a pretty cool new friend as a result. It's a miracle I have any friends at all.

4. There's a new show on television. It's called Brothers and Sisters. Calista Flockhart is in it, but she doesn't drive me crazy. She's ok. The whole cast is actually pretty great. It's sort of funny, and very sad, and the writing is beautiful.

5. Interesting fact: Actors get paid more to do commercials for douches, hemorrhoid cream, and stuff about herpes and other STD's.

6. I've been not smoking for something like 10 weeks.

7. Two dogs I know have their own myspace page. My dog is friends with these two dogs, even though one of them (I'm not certain which, but I have my suspicians) bit my dog's ear and we came home to blood all over the apartment last year. Anyway, I think my dog should have her own myspace page, too.

8. I have applied for one job, post law school. One. That's just one more than none. I am so fucked if I don't get it. However, I did have my first interview, and it went VERY well. Probably because the person interviewing me was a lesbian who I had met before at a big gay law school thing. Still, one application? How fucking retarded.

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Drinking Games

I don't know if I lost or won. But I was deeeerunk. I really am going to try and write something relevant to something soon.

Right now I'm on the couch watching a Law & Order marathon. But this is all that's registering:

Cop: Blah blah blah

Bad guy in handcuffs: Blah Blah Blah

Cop (to another cop): Get him the hell outta here.