Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Blogging my ASS off: A Trilogy Part I
Wow. I feel so...missed. Sorry I haven't written in so long. I've been really busy cultivating my alcohol dependence problem. It's going REALLY well!
So, I had the unique good fortune of spending my Spring Break getting plastered on the beaches of Mexico with two outstanding women, who have been really instrumental in taking the aforementioned substance abuse problem to a whole new level that I simply couldn't have accomplished on my own.
Very early on in the trip, we realized that nothing good could possibly come out of anyone knowing our true identities, so we became:
Kori Amsterdam (porn title= "Kori Goes to Amsterdam"),
Holli Seattle (Porn title= "It's Always Wet in Seattle"), and
Lilly Valencia (Porn title= "Hail to the Chief")
We were all the epitome of chastity. Except when Holli agreed to move to Mexico and live with the bartender who is "pretty sure" he could get her a job at the resort. And when Lilly quizzed a bunch of underage boys about their virginity. And when Kori took one for the team with the gropey catamaran owner who felt her up, to try to get us a ride. On the catamaran, that is.
We were all the epitome of American graciousness. Except for when Lilly called a 10 year old an asshole. And when Holli yelled at a mother of 4 for being a towel nazi. And when all the lights were turned off in the restaurant for a birthday and Kori was stuck in the bathroom in the dark. OH. And when Lilly threw Kori's shoes at birds.
Kori, Holli, and Lilly all fell down at least once. Lilly's fall was probably the most graceful, when she fell into a rose bush (or hibiscus bush depending on who you ask) while getting her picture taken. While carrying 3 beverages, Kori fell into the pool, and DIDN'T SPILL A DROP. It really was fucking amazing. Holli won the drunken fall of the year award, however, when she fell into the kiddie pool while getting drink orders from the other two. Holli also sat on her wine once.
We ate tons of seafood, hotdogs, pizza, and cheesefries. At the same time. We drank tons. We laughed tons. Lilly and Kori showed their ta ta's on the beach. When we got too tired hot and drunk, we played euchre or watched "Will y Grace" en Espanol back in the hotel room.
We talked about anything and everything. Except for law school. It was fucking awesome. I'm sad I'm not still there.