Thursday, June 28, 2007

Dear Douchebags in this Photo,

I was cleaning out the top shelf of my closet today, and there you were. In this photo. I have no idea who you are or where you came from. I think maybe one of you lived in my apartment before me? I turned over the photo and read the message on the back. It said:

"I think you have the biggest handful. (And you seem to be enjoying it the most)"

So I reexamined the photo. And I think the writer is talking about the dude on the right.

ANYWAY. Here's what I'm thinking. From the pose, I'm guessing you were law school students in the mid to late 90's. Am I right? Did you pass the bar? Because if the Crotchy Douchebag Trio can pass, I feel a lot better about my chances.

All the Best,


PS I'm sure all the men are grateful for the lessons you provided in fake crotch grabbing, that in order to make your package look bigger, don't act like your grabbing with a closed fist (like you in the middle). Rather pretend your hand is inside a baseball mit and spread your fingers apart to create the appearance of a bigger shlong (like you on the right).


Harmless Error said...

I really really really hope these douchebags somehow find or get pointed to your blog. Like, really. A lot.

davidallenjd said...

Counselor, you're assuming that they're referring to what's in their LEFT hand. To the contrary, they're referring to the DRINKS in their RIGHT hands.

In fact, all of them did pass the bar, and have gone on to have extraordinary legal careers, as justices of the Iowa, Ohio, and Florida Supreme Court. This was their last "HURRAH" before leaving Chicago.

biff said...

Is this what people do in Chicago?

Fannie said...

more advice:

to the guy on the left- can you try to get a little more into it? merely placing your hand over your crotch area is a pathetic excuse of a crotch-grab.

the the guy in the middle- wadding up your shorts and then grabbing the cloth doesn't make your package bigger.

and nice white socks, by the way. said...

lol great post, Grace!