Saturday, June 16, 2007

The Dog and Me- A Dialogue

Me: Umm. Why do you think it's ok to go into the refrigerator and eat a whole raw filet mignon?

Dog: Umm. Why do you think it's ok to leave the fridge door open for half the night?

Me: I was really looking forward to that steak.

Dog: Too bad Skank, you should've thought of that before you skipped out on the dog park yesterday.

Me: I have to fucking study for the bar. I'm trying to make a better life for you.

Dog: Then why don't you set yourself on fire, Bitch?

Me: You're the BITCH.

Dog: Great comeback, Loser... being a female dog, I didn't see THAT one coming from a mile away.

Me: You should be a little nicer to me. I saved your life yesterday.

Dog: Oh you mean when you hit that car with your bottle of grape Vitamin Water? Yeah, you're the best. So smart. Definitely gonna pass the bar with that huge brain.

Me: I could do without your sarcasm you little inbred piece of shit.

Dog: Quit your whining, go buy a new fucking steak, and go back to studying. You fucking annoy me.

Me: I don't have time to buy a steak. And it doesn't matter anyway. I'm going to a fancy shmancy black tie thing tonight, and they have dinner there.

Dog: Try not to look like a whore.

Me: I'm NOT going to look like a whore. I'm going to look great.

Dog: Oh, are flabby, untoned arms in this season? I had no idea. In that case, you WILL look great.

Me: This conversation is over. You're an asshole.

Dog: One last thing, Tramp: if you get all drunk and bring someone home tonight, you can GUARANTEE I will shit on the kitchen floor.


Rebecca said...

Um, seriously, awesome, truly enjoyed that -- thanks!

Madam Bartender said...

Hilarious! I've been telling EVERYONE about your blog.

biff said...

This is like a conversation I had in real life with my priest.

Anonymous said...

Lucky for me my dog is less antagonistic than that, though he is making fun of me for being drunk right now.
How did that little thing eat a whole filet???