Tuesday, June 12, 2007
How I Pee in Public Bathrooms:
1. I open the stall door.
2. I check to make sure there's nothing gross in the toilet or on the floor.
3. I close the door.
4. I lock the door. It's usually 1 of only 3 different kinds of locks. I've rarely been tripped up by some new fangled locking mechanism.
5. I unzip my pants, or lift up my skirt.
6. If I'm wearing underwear, I push them down to about knee-length.
7. Depending on the cleanliness of the bathroom, I either sit down, or squat over the toliet. I rarely do the whole cover the whole seat in toilet paper thing. I don't think it does a lot of good. Having said that, I have done it before.
8. I gently push.
9. Pee comes out.
10. While I'm peeing, I grab some toilet paper from the dispenser.
11. I finishing peeing. I give a little push to make sure I'm done.
12. I wait a couple of seconds in case there's a drip.
13. I wipe, sometimes back to front,sometimes front to back about 6-8 times.
14. I throw the toilet paper in the toilet.
15. I stand up.
16. I flush the toilet.
17. I pull my underwear up, if I'm wearing it.
18. I pull my jeans up.
19. I zip them.
20. I button them.
21. I unlock the door.
22. I step out of the stall, and head to the sink.
Am I missing something? Isn't this how everyone does it? It is, isn't it? Well then what the FUCK is taking the rest of you bitches so GODDAMN long?