Friday, July 27, 2007

To the Person Who Put This Note on My Windshield Today


I just wanted to take a moment to thank you. I woke up, went outside, saw the THREE MOTHER FUCKING parking tickets on my car, and completely avoided them, not knowing, not caring what I did wrong. Then, I saw your note. And it made me change my whole way of looking at the world. I am now going to examine the error of my parking ways. If it weren't for your note, who knows what tragic parking disasters could have occured in the future. You are really a goddamn mother fucking genius.

Now go fuck yourself with plastic sporks.

13 comments:

David said...

I'm glad you found my note, Grace. Obviously, the three parking tickets that the Chicago Police Department left for you were not enough to convince you of the error of your ways. You're special, you and Lindsey Lohan.

Here you are, on the verge of becoming a county prosecutor, and how will you be able to live with yourself when you're at work. What kind of assignments do you think your employer will give you at first? First chair felony murder prosecutions? Not bloody likely.

No, more likely than not, you'll be prosecuting traffic tickets, or perhaps speeding violations. How will you be able to do that with a clear conscious, when you can't obey the law yourself?

With that internal conflict, you'll have to find a way to quiet the voices in your head. I suggest massive quantities of drugs and alcohol. That will shut them up, for sure.

Go ahead, tell me to fuck myself with spoons. That will make you feel better.

I'll be talking to you, Grace.

Anonymous said...

Wow, you sure told her, David! I don't know how Grace will ever live down that comeuppance about her unclear "conscious" (you're an idiot, Dave). You've exposed the hypocrite (how could anyone ever be a prosecutor and have...PARKING TICKETS?!). And you topped it all off with a flaccid, not-so-ominous Terminator cliche: "I'll be talking to you." Your next assignment is to interview all the state's attorneys and Chicago police officers who regularly smoke pot, or who have gotten behind the wheel after 2 glasses of wine, and find out how they drown out the screams of their collective conflicted "conscious." Is it with booze and pills, David? Tell us. Make us better with your righteousness.

thelionslair said...

Wow, Grace has a fan club, ready to defend her in her absence. You hit the nail on the head, David. Way to go!

David said...

You're right, thelionslair, she sure must. I'm impressed, Anonymous, that you rose to her defense, with such amazing logical arguments as, "you're an idiot." You slay me.

You must realize, Anonymous, that my comments were designed to be over the top, as I'm sure many of Grace's blog entries are intended to be. I didn't actually stick that note on her car. Hell, I don't even live in Chicago.

But I'm curious about the extreme reaction she had to someone calling her out. It's the same reaction you had. Why engage them in discussion, or debate? Better to tell them to "Fuck off."

Maybe what's happened is that the note writer struck a nerve. Obviously, all the parking tickets did not. I wonder what really is at the bottom of her extreme reaction.

Anyway, have a great life, Anonymous. I'll be talking to you. :-)

Anonymous said...

"You're an idiot" was not a logical argument. It was a comment on you not knowing the difference between "conscious" and "conscience." And it also applies to you missing Grace's point: she wasn't angry at being called out, she was amazed that someone would leave a personal note when the Chicago PD already left 3 tickets. Again, David doesn't get it...

Grace said...

Thanks, Anonymous. David and the Lionslair, I don't want to be too unpredictable, but... fuck you.

Since I'm in the middle of the worlds best five woman frat party in the history of life, I'll make this brief-ish.

1. As far as the parking tickets go, and my "extreme reaction" - I left my car on the street on Monday in a LEGAL parking spot, and checked into a hotel close to where I would be sitting for the bar exam. That night, after I left, temporary "no parking" signs were put up because people were working on the road. In order to do the work, my car had to be towed. And it was left about 6 feet away from the curb. So Monday night I got a ticket. Tuesday I got a ticket, and Wednesday I got a ticket. And at some point some douchebag left a retarded little note telling me not to park in a way that no reasonable person would actually ever park. So the note was just pointing out the obvious. Apparently I didn't make that clear. Additionally, maybe my reaction could have been viewed as "extreme" because I just spent 12 hours the previous two days taking the fucking bar exam. Give me a fucking break. Please forgive me for being a little "over the top" the day after the bar exam ON MY OWN FUCKING BLOG.

2. Just for the record, in case there was any doubt whatsoever, I don't drive drunk, nor do I take any illegal substances.

3. The fact that you made me provide a disclaimer makes me think this blog, as fun as it is FOR ME, will not be able to have a long life. Not because I can't stand up for myself, or answer someone's criticism, but because I don't need unwanted attention directed at how I intend to do my job. I've worked too hard to get the job.

4. Do you really think I think I'm going to be first chairing murders? Do you think I'm completely oblivious to the way things work at the place I've already been working for 2 years? You think I don't know that my first assignment is going to be in traffic/appeals/chiild support enforcement/etc... which by the way are still noble positions taken on by hard working young attorneys. Were you trying to be demeaning?

5. Lastly, if my posts on this blog offend you, please just stop reading, Dumbfuck! I am the first to admit I have nothing of any validity to say. If you want something of substance, go elsewhere. I post conversations that I have with my dog for fucks sake!!

I'm sorry, David, I really think you and Lionslair both suck. A lot.

JD said...

Grace - with regard to point #3, please dont' stop the blog. I just found this in the past few days and I find it incredibly entertaining as you are hysterical (and a little disturbing at times). But I love it. This blog has wasted at least a couple of my billable hours in the past few days.
Don't stop now! Keep up the good work.

Anonymous said...

David & Lionslair- wow. you rant and rant about this girl and her "poor choices", yet you keep reading her blog!!! why?! why do you fuckin care what Grace does or what Grace writes about? how do you know that Grace is even writing the truth about ANYTHING!? this could all very well be fiction! and here you both are, getting your panties all in a bunch. need i remind you, it's HER blog, you are both clearly annoyed by it, YET YOU KEEP READING IT. sad & pathetic. you are creating rage and drama in your life for no reason. might i suggest therapy? or perhaps a nice cleveland steamer from one another since you both are not getting laid?

thelionslair said...

My, my, such rage. If, anonymous, as you suggest that Grace's postings could be fiction, why get your panties all up in a huff. Was a nerve struck? You must have something better to do with your life, than answer for Grace. Obviously, the one that needs to get laid is you.

And Grace, given that you're posting such bullshit on a very public site, you should expect some criticism. It's all in fun, right?

Your rantings about life, and the unfairness of it all, make great comedic reading. It think it's fair to say we all enjoy reading about your misadventures, misguided as they may be. They certainly make my life seem like a walk in the park since I don't have bar exams and city parking to deal with. The stress of those two things alone would definitely send me over the edge. I'd probably be a drunk, too.

Enjoy the rest of what you call a life.

Anonymous said...

Case and point.

Grace said...

"enjoy the rest of what you call a life"

What do you mean by that Lionslair? That sounded pretty harsh. My life isn't that bad. I just graduated from law school. In two weeks I get to start a great new job that I worked incredibly hard to get, I have amazing friends, people that love me, and a roof over my head. Every once in a while I get to take a vacation. I have this little blog that I enjoy writing on that people sometimes think is funny.

And you read it. Apparently fairly often. Would you mind, though, Lionslair, pointing out some instances on this blog where I "rant about the unfairness of it all"?

You seem to me to be just kind of an asshole with no sense of humor.

PS. Dad, if this is you...

Anonymous said...

Dear David and Lionslair,

As a personal friend of Grace, I must state that you must live sad and miserable lives that cannot even be enlightened by the Schadenfreuden that you are seeking; to spend time trying to aggravate someone who brings such light to the lives of the others with her blog speaks of a serious disaffection from society.

While I have not seen Grace in about a year, this blog remains a constant reminder of the joy she brought with her through law school. It also serves as a reminder that determination will win out, as she accomplished the near impossible task of becoming a prosecutor in an office with an official hiring freeze.

I do not know who you are, nor do I care; I hope that I never meet you. I am sure that if I do, I will know you by the raincloud that follows you around through life, raining upon your head.

I hope you find a way through life,

Sincerely,

Mr. Saddle Shoes

Anonymous said...

"And it also applies to you missing Grace's point: she wasn't angry at being called out, she was amazed that someone would leave a personal note when the Chicago PD already left 3 tickets."

I don't think that Grace speculated whether someone wrote the personal note before or after the PD left 3 parking tickets.

I just took the Barzam myself. The MBE was truly a sadistic marvel. Common Law Kidnapping? Whazzat?

-c