Thursday, February 21, 2008

Mark The Carpet Man Strikes Again! This Time I Respond.

"Hi Grace! My name is Mark from the near north suburb of Chicago in Des Plaines. You are a Goddess and I’m hoping you would be willing to help me on this very unique fun wild opportunity :) You seem really cool. I hope you might consider.. Please let me know what you think…I am seeking a lady or a group of ladies ages 18-65, willing to literally walk, stand dance, jump on me above the waist for fun or for pics for my Myspace webpage “Chitown Trample. ” Great fun, great way to let loose, vent anger frustrations, and you could be paid cash to do it!! How often do you get a chance to stomp on a guy? LOLNo sex or nudity involved. We will be dressed. I would pay cash if that would be an incentive. Yes, I am for legit. Interested? Want to know more? Not for you? Write me back. Check my profile too!!-I pay $80 for you to walk stand dance jump stomp on me from stomach on up. I would be honored to be Your human doormat!I pay $40 more to have me smell/kiss your tired feet lick your shoes clean. Feel the power of a man groveling at your feet. $120. 00 cash for just one hour of your time. I even pay more if you can REALLY degrade me!! Let’s talk!!I know this must sound crazy. I jsut feel women deserve a chance to let loose, have fun, put a man in his place. Ladies have found it just fun, unique, and some found it to be a great ego boost and powertrip. Plus it’s easy cash. I find it intriguing to do this hope you might, also,

Mark The Carpetman"


Dear Mark,

Hey! Thanks for the Goddess comment, although I suspect you use that line on all the ladies ;-).

So when I first read your message, I thought it was a joke, but on the off chance that it's real, I'd like to express my potential interest in your proposition. I do, however have some questions.

1. I imagine you have a lot of people take you up on this opportunity, so is it difficult to schedule an appointment? Is there usually a line, and if so, are there appropriate accommodations, such as a waiting room? Is there beer in the waiting room?

2. Do I have to sign any sort of disclaimer? Like what if in the process of walking on you, I hurt you?

3. Do you have to sign a disclaimer? Like what happens if I fall off you? I guess I'm just wondering if, for strict liability purposes, does walking on a person constitute an ultrahazardous activity?

4. Shoes are sort of my "weakness", and the ones I own tend to be quite expensive. Do you just lick the soles of the shoes, or the entire shoe? If you lick the entire shoe, would you mind providing me with the name of the brand of toothpaste you use, so I can make sure it wouldn't damage the leather?

5. When you say "put a man in his place" what do you mean? Is this just physical, or do you enjoy a stern verbal reprimand as well?

6. I appreciate that you respect safety. I would love to bring a few of my girlfriends, but I have to see who would be available. If that's not possible, I might bring my neighbor. She's old, but quite a fireball! I'm assuming that's ok.

7. I hate to go on about the shoe thing, but if I change my mind, and decide I don't want you to lick my shoes, will I still be able to walk on you, with maybe knee high socks?

Just let me know.

All the best,



rem said...

For real? Again: And I'M the perv?! I'M the one who shouldn't be able to raise children?! jeesh.

Jackass said...

I just wet my pants reading the carpetman post!! That was

lowly said...

considering your former affiliation with the BGST, let mark know that, like hoover, you're tough on dirt and gentle on carpet. this arrangement would never work out.

greenlady said...

hahaha just so as you know - i just got such a good laugh out of this! so well written. i am a law student too :) well i realise you aren't a student anymore, but ya know :)