I'm sitting at lunch this afternoon with the lovely and charming Kori Amsterdam at an outside cafe when all of a sudden our voices are drowned out by the deafening noise of lots and lots of low flying planes.
It's fucking BACK. The mother fucking air show is back. I HATE THE FUCKING AIRSHOW. I am filled with a rage that I usually reserve for genocide, pedophiles and leather pants on guys. I cannot even articulate why I hate the airshow as much as I do, but somehow I managed to blog about it last year, so I'll just repost that. Here ya go:
ODE TO THE AIRSHOW
I HATE THE FUCKING AIRSHOW. I HATE IT MORE THAN I HATE MOST OTHER THINGS.
Here's a list of why I hate the airshow and these are in no particular order:
1. Inevitably, I have forgotten that the airshow is going to happen, because it's so fucking dumb. Therefore, I'll be driving down Lake Shore Drive, thinking it's a lovely normal day, and all of a sudden, there is a deafening noise and 6 fighter planes flying in formation TOWARDS THE CENTER OF DOWNTOWN FUCKING CHICAGO. As a fairly skiddish person anyway, my first thought is naturally, "Oh my God. It's 9-11 all over again. Someone is attacking Chicago. The city is under fire. We're all going to die." And it's the most horrifying feeling in the world. So, fuck you, Airshow for making me so scared.
2. It's supposed to be for people who love planes, right? Who REALLY love planes, right? We're talking about people who would have a picture of a plane airbrushed on the back of their denim jacket, right? Well, then what the fuck are they doing on the ground watching? Get IN the plane, Loser! Go learn to fly! Go build a plane. Don't just watch. I feel the same way about people who love horses, but you people are WORSE than horse people. At least horse people RIDE HORSES! Yes, Airshow... you suck more than the rodeo.
3. Does anyone know how much money it costs to GAS these planes? Fucking retarded.
4. Most of these planes were designed to be fighter planes. Doesn't it seem a little, ummm TACKY? We're fucking AT war right now, Stupid Airshow!!! All you're exhibiting is what millions of people in the Middle East hear and see and live (or die) everyday. And you glorify it, and beautify it. Haven't we seen enough of this sort of douchebaggery, Airshow War Glorifier?
5. If you insist on having your stupid little airshow, go do it inside somewhere. Or away from the city. You are FORCING me to watch it, and hear it and experience it. And I don't want to!!! Fuck you, Airshow Jerkoff.
I'm sure I'll think of some more, but in the meantime, since you are ruining my last weekend before law school starts*, I'm going to pray like I've never prayed before for a big huge thunderstorm that lasts the entire weekend so your little plane party gets rained out. Jackass.
*Now it's the last weekend before my new job starts. Oh, Airshow... in case you missed it, FUCK YOU.