Sunday, August 12, 2007
Post Bar Vacation
There's really no way to fully explain the 8 days I spent in Florida with 4 other women who had just taken the Illinois bar exam, but I'll try.
The first day, we all sat in a circle, and took turns discussing the essay portion of the bar exam. We compared answers, and then looked up what the best answers would be in the barbri books we all brought with us. Then we did Pilates. Yum!
The second day, we did the same thing except this time with the MBE, and then just for fun, we took a practice test, and it felt so good! Then we all pitched in and made a big salad, and did yoga watching the sun go down.
The rest of the time was spent discussing our goals in the legal profession and trying to come up with strategies for success in the workplace. We also did a bit of quilting.
OK. None of that happened.
We spent 8 days eating, sleeping, hanging out on the beach or by the pool, and watching Bridezillas and Top Chef. And of course drinking our faces off.
Cast of Characters-
What we drank-
6 3L jugs of wine
4 bottles of vodka
10 bottles of champagne
14 regular bottles of wine
*What we said- (no one needs to know which bit of filthiness came out which filthy mouth. Suffice it to say we are all represented below.)
"Pounding booze and hating children are my two favorite things in the world."
"Let's put our 5 JD's together and come up with a damn drinking game!"
"I've never had a one night stand. I mean, I've blown and ran..."
"I just had a #12 Waterfall Special come out of my ass!"
"We're a five woman frat house."
"Cocktails are good for breakfast."
"My mouth tastes like a hot garbage party."
"I'm the black belt of jackassery"
"You're disgruntled." "I AM disdrunkled."
"Everyone wins when you suck on balls!"
We fell in love with two very special women. Monica and Maria. They were on Bridezillas. Here are some things they said. I feel like they were on vacation with us.
"Does anyone have roofies for the children?"
"Are you inbred or is being retarded something you learned over time?"
"And then we're off- like panties in the night."
"I love you with every fart in my body."
Monica and Maria- if you are reading this. Please. Come be our friends. You'll like us.
I'd like to end this post with a little story written by Ms. Mitzi Beaverlick.
"The air was hot and heavy, just like our panting breaths. The candlelight flickered across our sweaty brows. Roxi took a chance and rolled the dice, pausing momentarily to let out the belch of all belches. "Social!" she called out as we raised our respective cans of yumminess. And then as all 5 of us swooped in to taste the sweet nectar of the gods, we realized, though unphased that we ferociously missed everyone's cans, although we were only sitting inches apart. But it was cool, because we just wanted that sweet widemouth on our luscious lips."
I really hope everyone who took the bar is recovering well, and on behalf of Mitzi, Kori, Lilly, Roxi, and myself I'd like to apologize to the state of Florida for drinking all their alcohol.