After work today, I walked into the bakery next to the el station.
"What can I get for you, Honey?" the guy behind the counter said.
"Um. This morning on the el platform, I got mad and threw my briefcase, and when I did, my xanax and my lipstick flew out of the side pocket, and fell into the alley behind your store. I don't expect to find the xanax, but I really love the lipstick, and I think Mac discontinued the color. Do you think I could go back there and take a look?"
"Uh.. sure honey... go ahead."
So, roughly 36 hours after I found out that I passed the bar, my friend broke up with me. It's weird. I've never been dumped by a friend. I spent some time thinking about it, and I sort of realized that I REALLY had a "friend breakup" coming. Not necessarily from the person who actually dumped me, because her motives for being my friend in the first place were sort of suspect (some people don't understand/can't accept the concept of "just friends,"), but I mean I sort of had it coming in general.
I do a lot of things that make me sort of a lame friend. I'm really good in clutch situations. In emergencies, I can be counted on to be there, the big celebrations, I'll be there. But most everything else- going to meet for drinks, making plans, returning phone calls, remembering birthdays- I kinda suck.
I'm also pretty good/fun-to-be-around once I can be convinced to leave the house, but it's often like pulling teeth. I don't know if it's because of "that thing" that I occasionally make vague references to that happened last summer, or I'm just an asshole, but either way, I could do better.
So here's what I want to say to my friends who read this blog: I'm sorry for so often being distant. I'm sorry if I ever make you worry. I'm sorry if you don't know how much I love you, I miss you, and how you mean the world to me. I'll try and be better. Thank you for loving me and not quitting on me despite my frequent disappearing acts, and predictably unpredictable behavior. Thank you for your understanding, even if it comes in the form of an eye roll, coupled with the phrase "Well, that's just how Grace is."
Thank you for not dumping me. I'm fucking lucky. Seriously.
PS. This doesn't apply to people I am actually trying to politely avoid.
PPS. This especially applies to anyone who knows what BGST means, people from So. Cal, and people with Vacation/Porn Names.
PPPS. I don't know what the lipstick/xanax story had to do with anything. But I found it right there in the alley. I shouldn't use it though, right? What if homeless people were trying it on all day?