Friday, October 12, 2007

Salad Bar! The Opera


(This opera is meant to be sung in Italian, obviously)


Act I

Grace: La la la! I love the salad bar!

Security Guard from the Cook County Recorder of Deeds Office approaches Grace.
.
Security Guard: La la la! You're going to get fat if you eat all of that!

Grace: La la la! No I won't, Crab with a K has very little calories. (Krab is imitation crabmeat. It's actually a white fish called Pollack, also commonly used for making frozen fish sticks ) Do I know you?

Security Guard: La la la! No, but it gave me the chance to hear your voice.

Grace: La la la! And your way of getting women to talk to you is to admonish them about getting fat?

Security Guard: La la la! Well, you're talking to me aren't you?

Grace: La la la. Uh... I guess.

ACT II
Security guard from the Cook County Recorder of Deeds Office and Grace go up to the counter to pay.

Cashier: La la la! That will be $10.14.

Security Guard: La la la! SEE! Who gets $10.14 worth of salad?

Grace: La la la! My Diet Coke was $1.50 of that. Leave me alone.

Security Guard: La la la. OK. Just don't come crying to me when your pants don't fit.
exeunt


ACT III

Grace is eating her salad at her desk, alone. She sings the saddest aria ever sung...
.
Grace: La La La!!!!! Son of a bitch. Someone put Windex in the pasta salad again.

The End

7 comments:

Daisy Duke said...

If you ever need Windex free food, we have an excellent (free) coffee machine and bagels and my office is just a block away.

obsquatch said...

Obsquatch: La La La!!! I except your terms for our love to exist and flourish. Will you take my e-hand in yours, to format and to cherish, till fatal syntax error do us part?

Grace: Dum Dum Dum Duuuuum. Are you belittling my right to marry anyone I should chose, regardless of gender, race or font? You be dumped, bizzo.

Obsquatch: *whimper* Crap.

Harmless Error said...

I think I just cracked a rib laughing at this post.

Rachel M. said...

weirdos. you attract weirdos.

Jane Know said...

hahaha! this was too funny.

also, "Someone put Windex in the pasta salad again."

i swear someone is doing it to the couscous salad at the Dominicks salad bar near my school.

Tripp Hudgins said...

I like clean pasta salad. I really do.

Rachel M. said...

dude, just go to panera.