Friday, October 12, 2007

Salad Bar! The Opera

(This opera is meant to be sung in Italian, obviously)

Act I

Grace: La la la! I love the salad bar!

Security Guard from the Cook County Recorder of Deeds Office approaches Grace.
Security Guard: La la la! You're going to get fat if you eat all of that!

Grace: La la la! No I won't, Crab with a K has very little calories. (Krab is imitation crabmeat. It's actually a white fish called Pollack, also commonly used for making frozen fish sticks ) Do I know you?

Security Guard: La la la! No, but it gave me the chance to hear your voice.

Grace: La la la! And your way of getting women to talk to you is to admonish them about getting fat?

Security Guard: La la la! Well, you're talking to me aren't you?

Grace: La la la. Uh... I guess.

Security guard from the Cook County Recorder of Deeds Office and Grace go up to the counter to pay.

Cashier: La la la! That will be $10.14.

Security Guard: La la la! SEE! Who gets $10.14 worth of salad?

Grace: La la la! My Diet Coke was $1.50 of that. Leave me alone.

Security Guard: La la la. OK. Just don't come crying to me when your pants don't fit.


Grace is eating her salad at her desk, alone. She sings the saddest aria ever sung...
Grace: La La La!!!!! Son of a bitch. Someone put Windex in the pasta salad again.

The End


Daisy Duke said...

If you ever need Windex free food, we have an excellent (free) coffee machine and bagels and my office is just a block away.

obsquatch said...

Obsquatch: La La La!!! I except your terms for our love to exist and flourish. Will you take my e-hand in yours, to format and to cherish, till fatal syntax error do us part?

Grace: Dum Dum Dum Duuuuum. Are you belittling my right to marry anyone I should chose, regardless of gender, race or font? You be dumped, bizzo.

Obsquatch: *whimper* Crap.

Harmless Error said...

I think I just cracked a rib laughing at this post.

Rachel M. said...

weirdos. you attract weirdos.

Jane Know said...

hahaha! this was too funny.

also, "Someone put Windex in the pasta salad again."

i swear someone is doing it to the couscous salad at the Dominicks salad bar near my school.

Tripp Hudgins said...

I like clean pasta salad. I really do.

Rachel M. said...

dude, just go to panera.