I'm sorry to refer to you like that in the title of a post. It sounds like I'm almost trying to make a joke. I'm not. I just can't call you by your name, and I can't call you by a fake name, because that seems like something you'd hate.
You died a year ago today. You were found face down on a bed. Of a heroin overdose. with some other junkie dude.
No one will ever ever ever replace you in my heart. My life will never be the same.
Your mom sent an email, trying to remind those who love you to remember you for your strength, your humor, your kindness and your love. I am trying. But I can't help but sense what the world is missing without your presence in it.
We'd known each other for such a long time, yet kind of a short time. And I remember a long time ago, this one moment. i don't know what you said, or what was going on, but I felt like doing or saying something cynical. Because that's who I am... A cynical bitch. But then. I looked at you and I stopped myself. And I promised myself that I would never ever be cynical with you. I would start believing in happy endings. And, with you. I never was cynical again. Until then...
Ironic. Because as it turns out, people like you are the very reason cynicism exists.
But nonetheless, today I just cry for you. and i feel sorry for the whole world. that they don't get to have you anymore. but, selfishly, I'm saddest for me.
I miss you. So much.