Cast of Characters:
- Grace- A woman with a hypothesis, some friends, and a nice pair of legs, and of course a resting B.A.C. of slightly above the legal limit. Works for a talent agency, although she's been applying to law schools in the Midwest.
- Esmerelda- A stunningly beautiful actress, with a middle eastern look, but I forgot exactly where her family is from. She's very well educated, has an inquisitive mind, and a belly dancers body. Grace and Esmerelda have been known to.. enjoy the vino on occasion.
- Coleman- Grace's friend from High School, and Esmerelda's friend from her undergrad years. Coleman is a big black dude with adorable freckles, and dreadlocks, and he is a ridiculously talented musician. He also likes to smoke the pot.
- BJ- Grace's roommate. A stand-up comic who enjoys working bits of Grace's personal life into his stand up routines. His fiancee broke up with him. She's a porn star now. For real.
- The Time: Scene I is in the present, the rest of the play occurs one winter night in 2003.
- The Place: Grace's house in Los Angeles.
*Note from playwright- the events in this play occur in reverse order. Sort of like Harold Pinter's "Betrayal" or Stephen Sondheim's "Merrily We Roll Along" if that helps.
Scene I- The present
Grace and Esmerelda on the phone
Esmerelda: Remember that night a couple of years ago?
Grace: Of course I do. We were REALLY drunk.
Esmerelda: People think we're gross.
Grace: Who cares what people think? It's normal to be curious.
Esmerelda: That's true. Everyone experiments, right?
Grace: RIGHT! You're right though. People haven't responded how I thought they would. I didn't think people would be so... disturbed. I'm not ashamed though. I had fun.
Esmerelda: Me too!
Scene II- 2003
BJ: Whose frying pan did you use?
Grace: Um.... whose is the small one?
Grace: Then we used yours.
BJ: Fuck you Grace! You are buying me a new frying pan.
Grace: Wow! I was right. I KNEW IT!!!!
Esmerelda: That's really cool.
Coleman: Wow. I'm amazed no one's ever tried this before. Who's gonna eat it now?
Grace: No fucking way.
Esmerelda: No fucking way.
BJ enters looking suspicious
BJ: Hey Guys. What the fuck are you doing?
Esmerelda: Are we just supposed to sit here and wait?
Grace: I guess. I don't want to watch him, do you?
Esmerelda: No, and I'm pretty sure he doesn't want us watching him.
Coleman: Ok bitches, get in here!
Esmerelda: That was fast.
Grace: Yeah, REALLY fast! (yelling to Coleman) Is the frying pan hot?
Coleman: Yes. Get in here.
Grace: Did you add margarine or olive oil?
Coleman: Of course. Hurry up!
Grace and Esmerelda run to the kitchen.
Coleman: It should go in a bowl first. Not directly into a hot frying pan. I don't want to drunkenly explain this to the ER at Cedars Sinai.
Esmerelda: No. You're right. Your wife will kill you. And us.
Grace: I'm going to go find a suitable frying pan. Who wants more wine?
Esmerelda: Just bring out the whole bottle. And I think we should use a small frying pan. no offense Coleman.
Coleman: None taken, Es.
Esmerelda: You'd really do this for us, Coleman?
Coleman: Sure! Why not.
Grace: Are you sure you're going to be able to? Aren't you a little too drunk?
Coleman: I'm never too drunk to masturbate into a hot frying pan for you two ladies.
Grace and Esmerelda (in unison): Awwwwwwwwww!!!!
Esmerelda: I hear it's good for your hair.
Coleman: It's a great source of protein.
Grace: I wonder if Atkins endorses blow jobs?
Coleman: They should.
Grace: You know what else I wonder. The whites of a raw egg are very similar in consistency. The whites of an egg are also very high in protein.
Esmerelda: Yes. Very true. Go on...
Grace: Do you think the same thing would happen to jizz if we fried it?
Esmerelda: I don't know. But we HAVE to find out.
All eyes are on Coleman.
Coleman: I'll do it.
Grace: Should I open another bottle?
Coleman: Go for it.
The end. Or... the beginning.
Grace: it DOES fry the same.