Saturday, November 03, 2007

Sunny Side Up- A play

Cast of Characters:
  • Grace- A woman with a hypothesis, some friends, and a nice pair of legs, and of course a resting B.A.C. of slightly above the legal limit. Works for a talent agency, although she's been applying to law schools in the Midwest.
  • Esmerelda- A stunningly beautiful actress, with a middle eastern look, but I forgot exactly where her family is from. She's very well educated, has an inquisitive mind, and a belly dancers body. Grace and Esmerelda have been known to.. enjoy the vino on occasion.
  • Coleman- Grace's friend from High School, and Esmerelda's friend from her undergrad years. Coleman is a big black dude with adorable freckles, and dreadlocks, and he is a ridiculously talented musician. He also likes to smoke the pot.
  • BJ- Grace's roommate. A stand-up comic who enjoys working bits of Grace's personal life into his stand up routines. His fiancee broke up with him. She's a porn star now. For real.

  • The Time: Scene I is in the present, the rest of the play occurs one winter night in 2003.
  • The Place: Grace's house in Los Angeles.

*Note from playwright- the events in this play occur in reverse order. Sort of like Harold Pinter's "Betrayal" or Stephen Sondheim's "Merrily We Roll Along" if that helps.


Scene I- The present

Grace and Esmerelda on the phone

Esmerelda: Remember that night a couple of years ago?

Grace: Of course I do. We were REALLY drunk.

Esmerelda: People think we're gross.

Grace: Who cares what people think? It's normal to be curious.

Esmerelda: That's true. Everyone experiments, right?

Grace: RIGHT! You're right though. People haven't responded how I thought they would. I didn't think people would be so... disturbed. I'm not ashamed though. I had fun.

Esmerelda: Me too!


Scene II- 2003

BJ: Whose frying pan did you use?

Grace: Um.... whose is the small one?


Grace: Then we used yours.

BJ: Fuck you Grace! You are buying me a new frying pan.


Scene III-

Grace: Wow! I was right. I KNEW IT!!!!

Esmerelda: That's really cool.

Coleman: Wow. I'm amazed no one's ever tried this before. Who's gonna eat it now?

Grace: No fucking way.

Esmerelda: No fucking way.

BJ enters looking suspicious

BJ: Hey Guys. What the fuck are you doing?


Scene IV-

Are we just supposed to sit here and wait?

Grace: I guess. I don't want to watch him, do you?

Esmerelda: No, and I'm pretty sure he doesn't want us watching him.

Coleman: Ok bitches, get in here!

That was fast.

Yeah, REALLY fast! (yelling to Coleman) Is the frying pan hot?

Yes. Get in here.

Did you add margarine or olive oil?

Of course. Hurry up!

Grace and Esmerelda run to the kitchen.


Scene V-

It should go in a bowl first. Not directly into a hot frying pan. I don't want to drunkenly explain this to the ER at Cedars Sinai.

No. You're right. Your wife will kill you. And us.

I'm going to go find a suitable frying pan. Who wants more wine?

Esmerelda: Just bring out the whole bottle. And I think we should use a small frying pan. no offense Coleman.

Coleman: None taken, Es.


Scene VI-

Esmerelda: You'd really do this for us, Coleman?

Coleman: Sure! Why not.

Grace: Are you sure you're going to be able to? Aren't you a little too drunk?

Coleman: I'm never too drunk to masturbate into a hot frying pan for you two ladies.

Grace and Esmerelda (in unison): Awwwwwwwwww!!!!


Scene VII-

Esmerelda: I hear it's good for your hair.

It's a great source of protein.

I wonder if Atkins endorses blow jobs?

They should.

You know what else I wonder. The whites of a raw egg are very similar in consistency. The whites of an egg are also very high in protein.

Yes. Very true. Go on...

Do you think the same thing would happen to jizz if we fried it?

I don't know. But we HAVE to find out.

All eyes are on Coleman.

I'll do it.


Scene VIII-

Should I open another bottle?


Go for it.


The end. Or... the beginning.


it DOES fry the same.


Mel said...

Oh. My. God. I will never be able to eat a fried egg again.

You are truly disturbed. I think I would be scared to be your friend.

Daisy Duke said...

Oh. My. God.

I am so glad we are friends. Mostly so I can tell my other friends "So this one time, my one friend...."

Ack. Sick. I was just thinking scrambled eggs sounded nice. Not anymore you big sicko.

Jane Know said...

oh. my. god.

(i knew there was a good reason we are friends)

Anonymous said...

I have two words for you, wine enema. I read the bubbles are quite lovely.

This is so gross.

anonymoushottie said...

Daisy tol dme to read this. So I did. And I laughed. Then I left and went to brunch where I ate eggs sunnyside up. Because I am a sicko.

eddie said...

Oh dear. You need a warning at the start of this not to have a mouthful of wine while reading it. It's hotel linen though, so I don't care.

I'm hoping that I'm as much of a sicko as A'Hottie, because I was really looking forward to breakfast tomorrow. I think we're quite close on the "sicko scale", so I should be OK. If not, I may hate you forever for ruining my favourite meal.

Silly Little Law Student said...

oh. my. god.

wow... i'm speechless. Thank you for ruining eggs for me. :(

Legal Bachelor said...

fucking brilliant!!!

m. said...

i just had eggs. damn.

Anonymous said...

Someone should reallytake a big dump on your chest. That might fiz your problems.

Anonymous said...

wow anonymous...easy. I thought it was hysterical and seeing as how eggs--sunnyside up or over-hard(a personal preference) are a major part of the English diet, I found this HYSTERICAL albeit slightly disturbing.

Thanks Grace!

Grace said...

Hmm.... someone taking a big dump on my chest might fix my problems?

I'm gonna have to think about that, Anonymous. I'm leaning towards you're just about the biggest tool under the sun.

Anonymous said...

Thats right slut I got the biggest tool you'll ever see.

blonde.counsel said...

I've come back to read the play a couple of times because it makes me laugh and feel ill, but in a disguisting teenage movie kinda good way.
And today when I came back I noticed little bubbles in the white on the picture of the egg and now I just feel ill.

angrylittleasiangirl said...

reading this makes me want to go out and find a cheap pan and a willing male friend.

btw... this is the first time i've ever felt compelled to leave a comment. awesome blog!

butterflyfish said...

I hate to be redundant, but

Oh. My. God.

You're awesome.

obsquatch said...

I will take a dump in a frying pan and it might fiz if we add some garlic butter or seltzer water. Whadaya say?

This is brilliant, but I must admit, I knew you were talking about frying jizz from the second I started reading this. What else would you be talking about?

Rolling Bone said...