Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Dear Commercial Paper,

Go FUCK YOURSELF! I mean it. You are just a fancy way of saying check and you're not fooling anyone. I hate you. And, as it turns out, I don't really understand you. You almost made me cry today, you know.

WHO CARES ABOUT YOU??? I know I don't. But I have to care about you. I have to NEED you. Yes, Commercial Paper, I NEED you. My job depends on you. My happiness depends on you. Without you, I could fail the bar exam.

You're like this language I don't understand. An UGLY language. No one even WRITES checks anymore!! You know what happens when someone writes a check in front of me at the grocery store? I imagine what it would be like to shove a pineapple up their ass. That's all checks do. And yet, you are powerful enough to ruin my life. FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU.

Dirty Whore. Yeah, you, Commercial Paper. I'm talking about you. Fuck you.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

My Two Favorite Quotes of the Evening

1. "Grace, I would bet money that I will be at at least one of your weddings in the next 6 years." - Kori Amsterdam

2. "Never blow a deaf guy" -JS

Post Graduation

I feel like it's harder to start blogging again when there's a lot to catch up on, so this is the obligatory catch up post of what's been going on. It's not going to be very interesting. As always, in no particular order:

1. I took my last law school exam. And I took it after drinking 2 vodka/7ups. I just completely didn't care. I think I passed. And thats really all I care about.

2. I didn't get the condo. It fell through. I'm not quite sure exactly how I managed to fuck it up, but I did. And now I have to wait until after the bar, because I'm going to be too busy studying. I cried like a little bitch for about 4 days straight. I mean, I'd actually picked out lighting fixtures and paint colors. I'm not upset anymore though.

3. A pigeon and I were both jaywalking today, and the pigeon got hit by a truck right next to me. It was like the fucking thing exploded. It coulda been me.

4. I graduated on Sunday. They dressed us like fucking idiots. We looked like teletubbies dressed up as Harry Potter dressed up as Superman. It was retarded. And the reception at the school sucked, but my parents threw a party at a restaurant afterwards, which was really fun, and I got presents.

5. And yesterday we started barbri. I have nothing to say about it yet, though.

That's all. More later.

Oh. The world seems quieter now that I'm not in school. Or maybe I just don't have the TV on.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

I HEART TACO BELL

I, Grace, am a total fucking loser. However, I have found the most retarded, IN THE HISTORY OF GENIUSLY RETARDED, way to avoid studying for Wills & Trusts.

And HERE IT IS

Monday, May 14, 2007

Lilly and Kori


Think they are SO smart. just because they only study the Wills & Trusts material that the professor has on the syllabus. Those bitches laughed at me. Maybe I WANTED to know about the rule against perpetuities? Maybe it's a fun phrase to know, and even funner to say. Maybe those two can suck it.

They think they are SO clever that they actually have all the required texts for the class, instead of unsuccessfully trying to buy them two days before the exam.

Lilly and Kori have a new boyfriend that they share. I saw him on Lake Shore Drive today, and snapped this picture WHILE driving. And no. That's not just a pale shirt he's wearing.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

RIP Nancy



What the fuck??!???

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Meet Nancy:


She's my New Job Fish.

Saturday, May 05, 2007

Dear Pretty Much Everyone I Know,

Thanks for not asking about the job. But you can ask now. Because I got it. Yay!

Why Living Alone Sometimes Sucks


This is the bug that I captured in my bathroom this morning. It's huge and scary and gross, and I didn't want to kill it, because I was afraid I'd miss, and then the bug would be pissed off and try to hurt me. So I just put a martini glass on top of it, and then closed the bathroom door. I'm a big believer in the "ignore the problem and it goes away" theory. Because when I lived with someone else, they would go in the bathroom, see the bug martini, and dispose of it as they saw fit. Now, it seems the bathroom door will just remain closed forever, and I'm going to have to pee in the sink.

Any idea what kind of bug this is?

Anyone wanna come over and kill it for me?

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Resolution

No, I STILL have not heard about my future employment. Thanks (to most of you) for not asking. I'm going crazy though. Literally going crazy. I can't think about anything else. I've done every possible meaningless task to occupy the empty hours I spend waiting for that phone call or that letter in the mail. I've ran out of ways to distract myself.

So I've decided the one thing that will keep my mind off the job thing is hunger. So I'm going on a hunger strike. I just think it might make the time go by a little faster. It's going to be a semi hunger strike. I'm only going to eat pretzel rods. The pretzel rods may be dipped in salsa if I desire. The only beverages I'm allowed to drink are water, diet coke, and champagne. Prescription drugs, of course, are also allowed.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

My Attempt at Outdoor Exercise

I'm a gym girl. Not like I go with any regularity, but when I choose to exercise, I like it in a structured atmosphere. But it was a pretty day today, so I decided to go for a jog on the lakefront path. It's pretty and everyone seems all happy to be outside, and I decided I wanted to be one of those people. So I did it.

I had what I thought was a pretty good plan. Although the lake is within walking distance, I don't like to, because you have to walk through a kind of crappy neighborhood, and the guys in that neighborhood always make gross comments to girls walking by. So I decided to drive to the beach, park there, and put my car key in my spandex shorts since I didn't have any pockets. So I go for my little run, and I actually go for about 40 minutes, and it was really lovely. I was really enjoying myself. A slow song comes on, and I figure this is a good time to stop and figure out if I want to keep on going or turn back. I check to make sure I still have my car key.

But it's gone.

Wanna know why?

BECAUSE SPANDEX SHORTS ARE NOT THE SAME THING AS POCKETS. yes. It's true.

So I walk slowly back the path looking for the key, which of course I don't find. Duh!! So I have to walk home anyway in my short little spandex shorts through the crappy area and the very thing I didn't want to happen, happened:

A midget told me I gave him a boner.

Outdoor exercise can go fuck itself.