Tuesday, January 15, 2008

The Beginning of a New Friendship

On 1/14/08, Sandra James wrote:
Dearest One,
I am writting this letter with due respect and heartful of tears since wehave not known or met ourselves previously I am asking for your assistanceafter I have gone through a profile that speaks good of you. I want to find out if it's possible for you to deal with individual as to investment. I came across your profile and I feel it's highly reputable that is why I pick an interest getting across to you in respect of investment at my disposal. I will be so glad if you can allow me and lead me to the right channel towards your assistance to my situation now. I would like to use this opportunity to introduce myself to you. I am Sandra James 22Years Old Lady from (cote d ivore) ,the only daughterof Late Micheal James , My father is now late he was a well known cocoaand gold merchant business man in my country( cote d ivore) ,he was poisonedby his co-business partner a year ago. The main reason why I am contacting you now is to seek your assistance in the area of my future investment and also for a help hand over some huge amount of money in my possession. This fund ( US5.6 Million dollars) is deposited in a bank in my country in (cote d'ivoire) a years ago by my father he made me the sole beneficiary.I am now asking you to stand on my behalf,to stand as my partner and in time of the claim and investment as well. I have made up my mind to offer you 13%of the total money while the remaining will go into a productive investment. Pls attach your direct and full information as you reply to me. Thanks and remain bless.
Best Regards
Sandra James
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Dear Sandra,

I normally wouldn't respond to an email such as this, because a lot of times, I've heard they aren't real. But I am going to take a chance, because I'm pretty sure I can spot a phony when I see one. And I am pretty sure you're the real deal. And I really wish your heart full of tears goes away totally soon.

I am SO sorry your dad got poisoned. Getting poisoned is really the pits. Although I don't know anyone who has ever been poisoned. Except for food poisoning at a salad bar. But I don't think the salad bar place is anything like your dad's mean co business partner. He sounds like a real jerk. Do you have salad bars in your country ( cote d ivore)? I bet you do. ( cote d ivore) sounds so fancy. Do you have goats? I LOVE goats. Do you have pets?

I bet you drink a lot of cocoa since you're dad was a merchant of cocoa. We have nestle cocoa here. Do you have that brand there? I bet you do.

So, maybe I should tell you a little about myself. I'm blonde and tall and I live in Chicago, Illinois, USA. I have a brother and a sister and a mother and a father. (Sorry... I didn't mean to rub it in about the father part, but I suppose sooner or later you're going to have to just get used to people talking about their alive fathers, right?) I also have a dog. She's a cocker spaniel, and quite a rascal!

I also like girls. And sometimes more than just friends. Do you know what I mean? ;-). Do you have anybody like that in ( cote d ivore)? If so, then maybe I'll visit!

What's your favorite kind of music? I like all kinds, but my favorite song is a song called Opposites Attract by Paula Abdul. This is what wikipedia says about the song: "The lyrics are about a couple who love each other despite being different in just about every way possible." That really just sums it up nicely.

Anyway, I think that's as much information as I have. Is there anything else? Just let me know.

Thanks, and I hope you remain "bless" too! :-)

Grace
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I'll let you know if I get a response.

18 comments:

Scott Rose said...

Hahahaaaaa!!! FUNNIEST. BLOG. ENTRY. EVER. You are a mother fucking genius!!!!!

david a said...

What did your mother/father/sister/dog tell you about talking to strangers? If a letter comes to you from cote d'whatever, do not -- I repeat -- do NOT open it.

Jane Know said...

Awesome. Just awesome.

It's really nice of you to help this poor girl out, by the way.

Harmless Error said...

Fantastic.

Rachel M. said...

whelp, it's official. reading that was the best 2 minutes of my life. which i guess by default makes this the best day ever. neat.

gracie said...

thats so nice grace. to be so giving and caring. she didnt sound like a phony huh? i got that as well, lol. keep updating please!

Fannie said...

haw haw haw!

Silly Little Law Student said...

no less than one hour ago, I received the same exact email from Ms Sandra James the nutball extraordinaire.

David A said...

According to the internet (and if it came from the internet, you KNOW it's true), there is an increasingly open gay community in Ms. James' country of Ivory Coast. (That's what WE call it).
http://www.globalgayz.com/ivorycoast-news.html

So, yes, Grace, it appears that cote d'ivore has "girls like that."

vieve said...

hahaha. grace, please keep the posts coming...it's great to know I am guaranteed at least 1 good laugh a day.

lonleygirl15 said...

Hilarious but hurtful.

Not hurtful to the recipient, mind you, but to those of us who would call Grace "friend", as Grace has apparently found time to send a friendly letter across the world while not taking the time to respond to some of us here.

There are people in your life who miss you, Grace. Call us back every once in a while.

five tomatoes said...

Grace, I really am enjoying your judicious use of smilies here.

Army Girl said...

Sandra James is probably a client of our penal system. They have internet. I bet they even have special email accounts. Sandra.James@penal.gov.

Grace said...

Let me see if I get this right "LonleyGirl15"...

You claim to be a "friend", but you try to guilt trip me into returning a phone call? On my blog?

Oh, and I don't have a "lonleygirl15" programmed into my phone. So I don't know who you are to call you back. But chances are, I wouldn't anyway. And if you were my friend, you would know that. You would also have picked a more appropriate forum.

Duh.

Midwesterner in D.C. said...

I got fed up with these emails a while go and crafted a response (not quite as good as yours, but it made me laugh). I think mine involved a good faith showing of a $10,000 advance on the $5.3M I was going to get if I helped out this guy with his inheritance problem.
I never heard back from him.

Stellar stuff-thanks for sharing!

lowly said...

I have a fantastic investment opportunity for your new friend: that 13% can pay my tuition! Tell her to send it directly and fully to my law school... this is indeed the right channel towards assistance for her situation now.

PS - i feel like that co-business partner could be one of several of my classmates... eeeek!

Daisy Duke said...

Post the response.

Zimdog said...

Grace-
I was an African studies minor so I do have some insider info. on Cote d' Ivore if you need it. The Cote has had some serious coup uprisings an intense civil war in 2002. If she's legit, she'll know all about it. I'm not sure I met too many Sandra's in West Africa when I studied there but maybe she is a diamond (no pun intended) in the rough.