Saturday, April 12, 2008

Dear Creators of the "TwoDaLoo"

I've been told I'm a commitment-phobe.

That I'm elusive.

That I need more privacy than normal people do.

I'm not Boo Fucking Radley, but I can't say these characterizations are all that off.

I'm working on it, though.

However, after seeing THIS, I am pretty much guaranteeing I will be be doubling up on the therapy sessions.

Thanks a million, Fucktards.

Sincerely,

Grace

20 comments:

Mr. Saddle Shoes said...

Grace,

There is no market for this; no one actually wants to see their loved one do this.

Though I must admit, the optional iPod upgrade has me intrigued.

anonymoushottie said...

I don't understand why watching my sort-of loved one shit is saving my rocky marriage.

Arielle said...

Holy crap. If anything I would think that that contraption would ruin any relationship. There are some parts of a person's daily life that you just don't want to see. At least, that I don't.

Harmless Error said...

No. Fucking. Way.

Fannie said...

Gross. Is that the secret of marital success?

Is that a real product?!

davidallenjd said...

Nothing says "I love you" like sharing your waste materials, and saving water on the flush!!!

"Damn, honey, did you HAVE to eat asparagus last night? You KNOW that it makes your urine smell."

"And who needed to eat the EXTRA LARGE BURRITO, WITH PINTO BEANS??? Stay away from me, you disgusting pig!!"

They didn't have this when I was married. No wonder my marriage failed.

Thinking Fool said...

Wow. What can one say other than "wow?" And that's not "wow" in a good sense.

davidallenjd said...

The San Francisco Chronicle had this quote from the President of WiseRep.com on this product:

"'When you're most relaxed, that's the best time for you to communicate with your partner, discuss your concerns and learn from them to grow as a couple,' says Romeo Mendoza, president of WiseRep.com."

Yes, yes, but doesn't that assume that you've consumed enough fiber to allow you to be completely relaxed?

I think that Mr. Mendoza is the same genius that thought that wine in boxes would replace wine in glass bottles!!! Ain't happening, moron.

rem said...

Grace,
No. Just no.

davidallenjd said...

Nice play on words there, Grace. "DOUBLING UP the therapy sessions ...."

Timo said...

Martin Luther used to do some of his best writing on the can. LBJ used to demean Hubert Humphrey by making him stand in the bathroom while the president shat and dictated to him. But for the rest of humanity, IT'S THE ONLY GODDAMN TIME YOU CAN BE GUARANTEED TO BE ALONE. Read the sports page. Outline that brief. Find out what Pantene is really made of. Most people don't want their partner farting in their presence, much less laying cable. This product has a narrow market of fetishists who happen to find each other and stay together.

Mark said...

Wow, life imitates satire...with horrifying results.

davidallenjd said...

While "talking" to Grace, I predicted that this post would generate more comments than her "Tagged" entry. And I was right.

And you're right, REM. Where I come from, "tagging" someone means having sex with them. Just sayin.

Justice Moustache said...

I'm just pissed that I bought mine before they updated it with an iPod docking station. They better exchange it

rem said...

davidallen,
by chance are you an easterner?

davidallenjd said...

REM:

More by design than chance, I am the product of a New York father and a Virginia mother. Like the birds, they migrated north to Canada (where I was born), and then south, to Chicago.

So, what do you call that? I have eastern "roots"?

And no, Obsquatch, this is not the beginning of an on-line relationship between Davidallen and REM. I don't even know what she looks like. Although I am strangely attracted to the all-black picture that she uses as her logo. I am reminded of the line from my favorite movie, "Bringing Up Baby."

"Now it isn't that I don't like you, Susan, because, after all, in moments of quiet, I'm strangely drawn toward you, but - well, there haven't been any quiet moments."

Jane Know said...

this looks not unlike my college dorm bathroom... though, that was more in the form of "racing potties" they were facing the same way, next to each other, with nothing in between.

idiotic, when sober... but essential and funny when drunk.

davidallenjd said...

REM ... I need to share something with you. I passed a note to Grace in study hall, and she responded.

How can I get her answer to you? Smoke signals are not working!!

rem said...

Lure her with the promise of booze and hookers. when she bites throw a potato sack over her head, throw her in a VW bus (cerca 1968) and drop her at my place. Thats just one idea. If you come up with something else, bounce it off of me. i'm open.

legallyloca said...

Oh dear Lord. Prisoners got damages in the Scottish courts for having to share toilet facilities in this manner (minus the LCD TV and iPod, that is)!