Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Loud Talker on the Red Line #7

OK. I sorta thought that maybe I'd grown past these sort of posts. That maybe my blog should be slightly more dignified or something like that. Ok. Actually that never crossed my mind. However, I did start to think the Loud Talker posts were a thing of the past. Like, maybe it was too mean.

Or maybe not.

Meet Kristine. I named her Kristine after a girl I went to high school with, who annoyed me almost as much.

Kristine is talking to Friend. Kristine is nursing a broken heart. Very loudly. On public transportation.

Kristine is very happy to have Friend. She thanks Friend for being her girlfriend, although she knows that sounds weird and "lesbianic" (lesbianic? Lesbionic? Les BIONIC? The Les bionic Woman? Sidekick to the Leftist Gender Warrior? This is how great action movie plot ideas are hatched, my friends...)

Kristine asks Friend if she's ever dated any musicians, or actors. She informs Friend that it's very very difficult.

She marvels at some other guy and his desire to be a stockbroker. Why couldn't Kristine's boyfriend want to be a stock broker, she whines.

Kristine is very glad she has her family. (at which point she gets teary, and I almost feel sorry for her, and try to stop listening.)

Kristine asked if Friend borrowed a book from her without asking. She thinks the author's name is Cooper.

Kristine told friend, "it's not what he did. It's what he didn't do. Does that make sense?" (at which point I pull out my camera phone and snap her picture.)

Kristine tells friend, "Oh, no! He would do THAT!" gigglegiggle-coupled-with-fake-coy-glance-around-the train-to-let everyone-know-she's-talking-about-sex-because-even-annoying-girls-can-get-oral-sometimes.

Kristine is having dinner with Amy and Michael tomorrow, and she KNOWS they'll have some insight.
Hopefully Amy and Michael will teach her to shut the fuck up on the Red Line.


p.t.t.a. said...

how can you grow past this since you express the frustration that most commuters feel when these LOUD TMIers enter your subway/bus/train. Sometimes i want to pull my eyes out and shove them into my ears in order to use them as earplugs. But please, keep exemplifying these crazies. It's funny that they don't know they're been exposed. Passive aggression is the best!

Scott Rose said...

I think there's gotta be some standard line that you can say to these fuckers on the train, that lets them know how absolutely rude they're being... but does so in such a shrewd way that they're not quite sure whether you're insulting them or not. And then you can document their behavior/response to that. I haven't quite figured out the line yet, but I'm working on it....

In the meantime, I love the new element of adding photos of these rude people!

Fannie said...

I'm so very glad this series has returned.

And most importantly, we have a dynamic duo in Leftist Gender Warrior and Les Bionic Woman. Let's pull a Michael and Justin and start our own comic book...

anonymoushottie said...

You are my favorite. Loves it.

Anonymous said...

OMG, Grace, I have been begging, pleading, hoping, praying, and wishing, and waiting for you to return to the Loud Talkers. Every time you have pondered, "what should I blog about, people?," I always, ALWAYS say, "THE LOUD TALKERS, GRACE!! THE LOUD TALKERS!!"

What I want to know is what Kristine's asshole boyfriend WOULDN'T DO. I think I was on the Brown Line train with him last night. He and his boyfriend were talking about how "they" get "too clingy," and "we have to shut that down, right away." And how his friend's girlfriend's girlfriend was coming up from downstate from the weekend, and "we'll see what comes from that." Awesome, douchebag. Oh, and he was talking about Wrigley Field as his "mecca." I swear to Allah!

Anonymous said...

One of the best Loud Talker stories I ever heard (before I met Grace) came from a woman who was on the Brown Line, when she heard a young man talking to his buddy on his phone. Let's call the young man, "Todd." Todd is apparently in a relationship (marriage, living together with) a woman. Todd is also less-than honest with his relationship. And Todd has the most endearing pet name for his relationship. Because Todd shouts out to his phone pal, "I want to get fucking drunk. I want to go out, and get drunk tonight. What? What? What will I tell the Bitch? I'll tell the Bitch that I have to work tonight."

The Bitch. Awesome.

The woman telling me this story said that she wanted to shout out to Todd, "Hey! Can I get 'the Bitch's' phone number, so I can tell her what you think of her?"

Scott Rose's idea about what to say to Loud Talkers reminded me of this story. Or more accurately, dredged it up from my memory.

And thanks, Grace, for looking at my PLA.

Random Esquire said...

What the hell is that lady wearing?

It looks like one of those sumo suits people wear to look like fat sumo wrestlers.


Dizzy said...

I know it's bad, but when I was working two jobs and had puzzlingly fuzzy cell service in my apartment, I could only talk to people in public too, usually en route from one place to another (always on foot, never on the metro though).

I'd hate her too, but she could be just stressed and trying to find the time to keep in touch.

eddie said...

Dirty Dancing - The Stage Show? Srsly??? Well if I wasn't excited enough about moving to Chicago before, I certainly am now!

Oh yeah, and boooo to loud talkers.

Sam Sachs said...


I am so very grateful for you.