I can't believe that one year ago was the night before I took that fucking thing. Again, since I have NO idea how I passed, I don't feel like I am in any position to give advice, but since people are finding my blog by Googling things like:
"bar exam" & "want to die"
"bar exam" & "freaking out"
"fucking bar exam"
"bar exam" & "can't stop crying"
"I hate the bar exam"
I feel I should mention something. So, since I'm lazy, and someone suggested I put this post up as a sort of "Best of Grace," I'm going to re-post what I wrote one year ago today, which was the night before the bar exam for me. Here you go. And AGAIN... relax...if you're smart enough to read my blog, you're clearly a genius, and will kick the bar exam's ass.
Dear Everyone Taking The Bar Exam,
I want to wish everyone who is reading this good luck. We've all (mostly) worked really hard to get here, and we'll all (mostly) be fine.
Personally, I'm scared. I'm really scared. I feel like everyone around me knows more than me. But then they turn around and say that they are feeling the exact same way.
I've made a decision on how I'm choosing to think about these next few days, though. I've heard from lots of people, that these are going to be the two worst days of my life. Without having actually taken the bar, I can't be sure, but I'm going to go ahead and respectfully disagree. I think I've had worse.
I've also heard that this is the hardest thing I'm ever going to have to do. Again, without having taken the bar, I am going to disagree. There is no way this can be true.
Not to be a Debbie Downer, but my parents are both alive. One day, they won't be. Dealing with that is going to be way harder than the bar exam. I've had to sit across the table from my fiance and tell him I didn't want to marry him. That was pretty tough. I'd rather take the bar than do that again. I've had to listen to someone I was in love with tell me they no longer loved me back. I'd rather take the bar 10 times than do that again. There was this guy. Bar exam wins. I've been the victim of a pretty bad crime. Sorry, but the bar exam MUST be better than that.
Don't get me wrong, the bar exam is going to SUCK. and I am going to give it the respect it deserves. However, it deserves no more respect than any other loss, grief, fear, anger,panic or heartbreak that I, or any of us, have ever already experienced. And survived. For my own sanity, this is the way I'm thinking about it.
The bar exam is just another fucking hurdle. No biggie. And Wednesday, it will all be over. So now, I'm going to quit rambling. I'm going to go do a few more hours of studying, then I'm going to pack a bag and head downtown. I'm going to meet Ms. Kori Amsterdam, we're going to check into a hotel, check out our test sites, and then go eat a nice dinner. Then we're going back to the hotel, going to watch some Will & Grace, and go to bed.
Then tomorrow morning, I'm going to go over to my testing site, and give the Illinois Bar Exam the hate fuck it so rightfully has earned. Once again good luck to everyone. See you on the other side.