Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Dating Grace

So, in my continuing effort to be a more social person, I am going on a date tonight. I've decided that I am going to go on more of these. Not necessarily with the person who asked me tonight. That's still up in the air. We'll see how it goes.

I think this will accomplish several things.

1. It will keep me from remaining a recluse for the rest of my life.

2. It might also lead to me finding someone to bother and be bothered by on some sort of long-ish term basis. This would please my parents and friends immensely.

3. It will remind me to regularly shave my legs.

4. It might provide for interesting blogging material. Which is really the only reason for anyone to do anything. And, let's be honest, this blog has SUCKED ASS for months.

A couple of things, though. I'm never going to talk about sex. So don't get too titillated. I'm also going to be intentionally vague with pronouns. Just because.

So tonight, my date is with Lawyer. I know. Super original name, huh? Lawyer and I have some history together, which makes this date easier and more complicated at the same time. I'm very excited about it, though. Lawyer called yesterday and told me that this was a surprise date and told me where to be at a certain time. Should be interesting.

Details to come...

PS. Lawyer actually knows about this blog, and reads it regularly, so at some point during the date I am going to have to tell Lawyer that I plan on writing about it. That shouldn't be an issue, right? I mean, what kind of person would have a problem with that?????? Yeah. There's an ancient Lithuanian phrase for ladies like me. It roughly translates as "self-sabotaging assclown".

Friday, August 22, 2008


Because I'm lazy, I'm blatantly ripping off Daisy and Anonymous Hottie by reposting law school 1L advice that I wrote last year.

Dear Incoming 1L's,

As your first day of law school draws near, I thought I'd put together a little list of helpful advice. Who am I to be giving advice, you may be asking? No one. So don't take it if you don't want to. Anyone who has survived their first year, feel free to add to the list, as I'm sure I've left some things out. As always, in no particular order:

1. 90% of you will not be in the top 10%. Get used to it. You probably will NOT be in the top 10%. Why? Because the numbers say so. I wasn't in the top 10%. I wasn't even close. I still ended up with the only job I wanted. I also know some people who were in the top 10% who still don't have jobs. With this is mind, spend some time focusing on not being an idiot in interviews, and learn how to network. If you want to work at the State's Attorney's office or the Public Defender's office, start clerking there immediately, because they aren't going to care if you're top 10% if you haven't put your time in.

2. You do NOT have to study in a study group. Don't be guilted into thinking that's the only way to study. It's not. It doesn't work for everyone. I fucking hated studying in groups. It ALWAYS made me feel stupid and insecure. Try it. If it works for you, great. If it doesn't, then don't do it! It's your education to do with as you please.

3. The first case that you're going to read in Con Law is probably going to be Marbury v. Madison. It's long. It's boring. And if your professor is anything like mine was, you will spend WAY too long discussing it. Don't let it freak you out. Don't let it confuse you. As a matter of fact, the entire first semester of Con Law is not at all interesting. It's all about the Commerce Clause.
Second semester you'll get to talk about things like porn and abortion and gay sex. It's more fun.

4. There are 3 types of law students you don't want to be, so DON'T BE THEM:
- Do NOT be the guy (or girl) who raises his hand all the time asking ridiculous hypotheticals, answering every question, and generally making his presence in the class WAY too well known. That's what we call a gunner. Professors hate you. Students hate you and talk about you behind your back. It will get to a point that every time you raise your hand you will hear people audibly groan around you. Do NOT be this person. Make fun of this person.

- Do NOT be the girl who dresses like a skank every day. I'm not saying you need to wear a cubs t-shirt with your sweats from undergrad, but if you wear high heels, tons of makeup, halter tops and short skirts every day, other women who go to law school with you will make fun of you. Save your nightclub clothes for the nightclub.

- Don't be the person who never reads or shows up for class, and then begs her friends for their notes or outlines at the end of the semester. Your friends will give them to you, but they will resent you and talk about what a slacker you are behind your back. Don't get me wrong, I have a lot of outlines given to me by friends, but only because I have given out a lot of outlines as well. It's gotta be reciprocal. And really, your first year you should really be doing your own, anyway.

5. If you are planning on carrying a backpack with wheels, know that everyone who isn't carrying a backpack with wheels finds you annoying. That doesn't mean don't have one. It just means try to keep the fucking thing out of the way of others.

6. Don't have sex with your professors. Actually, that's stupid. Have sex with them if you want. Just don't tell your friends about it, because they WILL talk. It's just too good gossip to be contained. FYI, I did not have sex with any of my professors, but everyone knows the girl who did.

7. Take Business Organizations. Take Secured Transactions. I didn't. When it came time to study for the bar, I REALLY regretted it.

8. If your parents are paying for law school, or you are on a scholarship, or are in any other way NOT going to be saddled with enormous loan debt, keep that little bit of information to yourself. When everyone around you is commiserating about how much debt they have, just nod your head like you're as fucked as they are. If you do not do this, you will be resented openly.

9. On the other hand, if you had to take out loans to pay for law school, SHUT UP ABOUT IT. You're no different than the rest of us. We're all going to be paying back our loans forever, and no one's thrilled about it, but bitching about it non-stop is getting you nowhere.

10. Be in one student organization. Don't be in ten.

11. Don't depend on your Career Services Office to get you a job. They can actually be a barrier to employment.

12. Don't let the competition of law school turn you into an asshole or a liar. You need friends when you graduate. You need friends when you take the bar. You need friends when you're a lawyer.

13. Be excited. Every fucking day, you are going to feel smarter. You're going to learn a new language. In about 6 months you're going to have a conversation with someone about the law, and you're going to take a second and be shocked when you realize that you understood everything that you just said. Enjoy that moment. But don't tell anyone you had it. They'll act like they don't understand.

Good luck. Have fun. Don't be a douchebag.

Sincerely, Grace

Monday, August 18, 2008

I'm Feeling Nothing

"...and he said nothing, could get a girl transferred!
They all felt something, but I felt nothing.
Except the feeling that this bullshit was absurd."

Bonus points for anyone who picks up on this classic musical theatre reference.

But, no seriously. Nothing. I REALLY want to come up with something witty, or thoughtful, or even just plain mean spirited. But I can't think of anything.

I have lots of things to bitch about, like the AIR SHOW WHICH I FUCKING HATE, but I do that every year.

I have to move in a few weeks. I'm kinda sad about that. But the place is ok. I can live with it. And I sort of like the fact that no one knows where I live. All the better to ignore people.

I'm also a little burned out on work. That sort of freaks me out, because it's only been a year. If I'm burned out after only a year, I have a long rest of my life ahead of me.

I am reading Daisy's Book Club book, and I am loving it. I can't put it down.

I'm bored. I'm boring. I wish I could come up with something to say. Go ahead and make suggestions, Dear Readers, if I have any Dear Readers left.

OH. I have made some decisions about my...um..err..uhhh.... romantic life. I've decided that I'm on the verge of being mature enough to be in a relationship. I haven't decided on the person yet, but I think that with the knowledge that I don't HAVE to be the world's worst girlfriend if I don't want to be, makes the whole dating thing seem possible.

That would probably give me something to write about, right? A new person?

Anyway, I'm really going to try to come up with something good. At some point. But again, I'll take suggestions. Please. I don't want my blog to die.

Thursday, August 07, 2008

Long time No Blog

I HATE when I get into a thing where I don't write for several weeks. It's so much harder to start back up. Usually when I stop writing, it's because A. I'm traveling, or B. I'm sad, and feeling not funny. This time, I've actually got a decent excuse. I don't have internet in my apartment anymore, and since I think blogging from the workplace is likely not looked upon favorably, I can only post when I'm at a cafe with wi-fi. When I move at the end of the month, I'll have it again. And I really hope I can write more regularly, because it's fun. But anyway, here's an update of thoughts in no particuilar order.

1. I'm still really excited about my new place. I don't want to say much about it, you know, privacy and all, but one thing I will say is it's a coach house. And I thought coach houses were like garages. But they're not. They are really fucking cool. Well, mine is.

2. I have had people staying with me at my house almost every single night for the last week. And this weekend it continues. With my dad staying with me.

3. That awful thing that was supposed to happen one day in July, didn't happen. Am I relieved? No. It's still going to happen. Just...later.

4. Someone recently said to me "You're like this nordic loner, who would be completely content living alone in some ice hotel ordering herring for one from room service every day for the rest of your life." It's oddly flattering.

5. Oh! Congrats to Daisy, Scarlett and Anonymous Hottie who took the bar last week.

6. Congrats to Eddie and HASWOE who just moved to this fair fucking city.

7. I'm watching a movie right now starring Matthew Perry and he's playing the same role as Michelle Pfeiffer did in Dangerous Minds.

8. Which brings me to another point. Why is it necessary that in EVERY movie that involves inner-city youth, a teacher has to "connect with the students" by playing double dutch??

9. For those of you who live in Chicago, go get some freakin culture and go see "On an Average Day" at the Victory Gardens Theatre. Seriously. It's fantastic.

I'll write more later.