Monday, October 13, 2008
First of all, thanks for everyone's responses in my previous post. I feel smarter! I'll post more about that later today or tomorrow.
Now I want to vent a little. You know what I hate? When people say dumb shit. Admittedly, I do this more than anyone. I also bitch about bad drivers when I, in fact, am the worst driver on the road. I am the reason the phrase "road rage" was coined. In other words, I know I am a hypocrite. But it's my fucking blog, and you certainly don't have to read it if you don't want to.
Actually, the specific dumb shit that I hate for people to say is "you're so lucky."
Fuck that. It's stupid. And they never mean "lucky" They MEAN something else, and usually there's an element of passive aggression. "Oh, Grace, you sure are lucky that you don't have any kids. You can afford to spend your money on Starbucks Pumkin Spice Lattes!" really? that's how we are currently defining lucky? You are bummed that you can't have a pumpkin spice latte because you chose to have a baby? Aren't you fogetting you have... a BABY? Some people might view that baby as something that makes YOU lucky, you dumb twat. Making different life choice does not equal luck.
Am I really lucky? Is my last name Jolie-Pitt? I didn't think so. No I am not fucking lucky. I'm not particularly UN-lucky. Whatever I am or whatever I have that some fucking asshole thinks is a result of luck, actually has nothing to do with luck. I have a friend who won the California State Lottery twice. Once for about 80k, and then another time for 34 million. That's luck.
You're lucky that your family loves you so much.
Yes, I am lucky that my family loves me so much. They all hate each other. But they all love me. They all hate each other so much that all we ever talk about is how much everyone hates everyone. And any time I ever try to do something as simple as have a lunch with one of my siblings or one of my parents, it is viewed as a HUGE betrayal. Family holidays are so uncomfortable that I continually volunteer to pick up bond court shifts in order to avoid them. If I can't pick up a shift, I lie and say that I did anyway. Then I spend the evening by myself. Yes. Very lucky.
You're lucky that you actually enjoy your job.
Yes, I am lucky that I enjoy my job so much. The moment I walked into the courthouse on my first day of clerking, I knew that is was the only job I would ever be happy doing. In order to get said job, I had to spend my summers and days off of law school class in unpaid clerkships. This required me to take out more student loans than I had expected. Now I have so much student loan debt, that I regularly have panic attacks just thinking about the fact that it's possible I will RETIRE from my beloved job, and still owe money.
You're lucky you had such an interesting life before you went to law school.
Yes, I'm lucky I had such an interesting life before law school, but the fact is that it means nothing now. It would be nice to have such an interesting life AFTER law school. If that happens, it won't be luck. It will be me making it happen.
You're lucky that you can come and go as you please; you don't have a spouse and a child tying you down.
Yes, I am very lucky I have the freedom to come and go as I please, with no responsibilities to anyone but my dog. Nevermind the fact that the only thing that I feel I was born to do was to be a parent, and as I get older, that possibility seems less and less likely. Yay, but I can stay out til midnight whenever I like!!!! Oh, my WONDERFUL good fortune!!
You're lucky you have a lot of friends who really care about you.
Yes, I'm lucky I have a lot of friends who care about me. However, the only ones who REALLY know me, and understand me, and accept me for exactly who I am, who I NEVER have to censor myself in front of, who have seen me at my ugliest, my angriest, my most brilliant, my saddest and NEVER wavered, well... one lives in fucking AUSTRALIA, and the other is six feet fucking under. And neither is returning any time soon. Clearly, I have hit the jackpot.
You're lucky you're so pretty, and you get asked out all the time.
A. That's just not true. I don't get asked out all the time. B. I'm not that pretty. I'm just ok. C. Even when I do get asked out, I am usually so nervous that I am going to have to interact with another person on a one-on-one basis AND leave my house, that I usually have no choice but to say no. Yep. Lucky Mc Luckerton.
I was just recently told in a text message from someone who, admittedly might have some issues with me, that I am the luckiest person in the world. And when I inquired why in the world I was the luckiest person in the world, this person said "because you've never had to love you from the outside."
So, here's a note to anyone who has ever loved me, currently loves me, or has any intention of loving me in the future. You are not lucky. You are, in fact, UN-lucky.
Someone else extremely close to me was fond of saying, "If I am on an airplane with Grace, that plane is CERTAIN to crash, but if I am holding her hand, I know I'll survive."
I don't know if I like that assessment more or less. However, I do think it's more accurate. But all that really means is that I've experienced a lot of wreckage, as a result of my incredibly amazing and fantastic luck.
I'm not saying that I am not grateful for the path my life has taken, for the fact that I've taken unnecessary risks in my life, which could have had horrible consequences but I've somehow managed to land on my feet, or for the fact that even after I've acted like a complete bitch, there have been people willing to stand by me. That I'm healthy. All I am saying is before you say dumb shit like "you're so lucky", you should really just shut the fuck up, and think about your own luck.
I don't know why I'm writing this today. Tomorrow I might not even care.
PS. The person who said the "I'm lucky because I've never had to love me from the outside?" That's a fucked up thing to say, right? I mean. It is! Right?