Thursday, November 20, 2008


Dear Metra,

It's been a few months now. A few great months. No complaints. You've been steady, and precise, and reliable. Every time, you get me where I need to be. Right on schedule.

I want us always to be honest with each other, and so I have something I must tell you. Please just listen...

As much as I adore you , lately I've been thinking of...other forms of transportation. Like, transportation from my past. Yes. The redline. We both know I'm talking about the redline. It used to be just a vague sort of longing, but lately, especially as the weather has gotten colder, I don't know. It's been something else.

So this morning, my alarm went off. I awoke from a dream where I had come in third place on America's Next Top Model, but I wasn't upset about third place because everyone at the waterpark thought I should have won, and they TOLD me so.

My bed was all warm and snuggly. My dog was tucked in the crook of my knee with her cute head asleep on my ankle. I was rested, and warm, and content. Then, I showered, did my hair, and got dressed. Then, everything changed. I went to walk the dog, and holy crap, my Darling. It was fucking cold! My frame of mind changed. Fast. I was obsessed with how long it would take for me to walk to you. And then after we were done with each other, (sometimes it's just TOO fast, you know?) I would have to leave you, just to walk out in the cold again.

And yes, my mind went there for a moment.

I could just jump in the car. I could be at the nearest station in five minutes.

But no. That's stupid. Metra is there. It's reliable. It's safe. It takes care of me. It won't let me down.

And the Redline. It's dirty, it's dangerous, it has loud talkers, it makes me late, it never shows up when it's supposed to. Oh GOD, and yet I CRAVE ITS SWARTHY, RUGGED, DEVIL-MAY-CARE UNPREDICATBILITY. It drew me in. I was weak.

Before I could stop myself, I jumped in my car, raced down the street, and parked near the closest station. I wouldn't let myself think for too long about what I was doing. As if in a trance, I walked in the station, dropped a ten dollar bill in the machine, pushed "vend" and got my ticket.

I slipped the ticket into the turnstile, and ascended to the platform. And, as if on cue, the redline showed up.

Maybe it would be different this time. Maybe everyone is wrong... maybe the redline CAN change...we had some good times. Some...magical times, even.

You don't need to know the sordid details of the commute, my love. Suffice it to say, I was 25 minutes late for work and I had orange peel on my pantyhose.

I am so sorry. I should never have strayed. I recognize now what I've done.

I hope you can forgive me.




Anonymous said...

You are so silly. I love you. A tour through your brain would be a riot!

rem said... wanna,'d like to...wait. tour her brain? that' um...ok. sure. one sec:
(grace can we speak in private?)

Fannie said...


Anonymous said...


METRA has contacted me about commencing divorce proceedings against you, based on infidelity. This blog entry will be attached to the Petition as "Exhibit A." METRA will be seeking maintenance and an equitable division of assets, along with sole custody of the dog.

Let this be a lesson to you.

Jane Know said...

This has nothing to do with your funny post, but I wanted to tell you...I just made some Yogi detox tea (to nurse my hangover), which has little "fortunes" on each tea bag. Today's fortune, you may want to know says, "Life is a chance. Love is infinity. Grace is reality."

I don't know what the hell that means, but I am certain it pertains to you.

Grace said...


Wow. I love that! Sorry I missed you and our lovely Baltimore girl last night.


Jane Know said...

It's okay, another time perhaps... I miss you!

Shorty Wanna Be a Squid said...

Dude, your precious Metra has been giving "rides" to people left and right.

If I caught my boo letting other people ride him, I wouldn't stress over my own indiscretions.

I'm just sayin.