Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Charity

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. My computer is in the shop getting fixed. Because it's broken. Speaking of broken things, my car is also broken.

Anyway, so that's why I'm not posting. Because I don't think the tax payers want me blogging from work. But since I'm on my lunch hour now, it's sort of ok.

so I got into the elevator today, and a cop got in behind me. Here's our conversation:

Cop: Excuse me, but weren't you on the corner last night yelling at some guy?

Grace: Yes. Yes, that was me.

Cop: I thought you looked familiar. I thought about intervening, but you seemed to have the situation under control.

Grace: I did. But thanks.

Cop: I hope you never get mad at me like that!

Grace: Well then. Don't abruptly stop me on the street to ask me a question, and then proceed to tell me about your stupid five star salon, and then when I politely say no thanks, and walk away, you call me rude. Furthermore, don't ever ask me if I "have a second for the environment," or if I "have a second for the children," or if I "have a second for human rights." Because even if I did "have a second for the environment," or "have a second for the children," or "have a second for human rights," I wouldn't waste it on some overly perky mama's boy hippie who thinks it's ok to try and shake hands with random women he sees on the streeets of downtown Chicago.

Cop: Have a good day, Ma'am.

Grace: You, too Officer.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Being a lawyer is GLAMOROUS!!!

I have a fabulous friend. Her name, for purposes of this blog, is Fury Berlin. This is an email that Ms. Berlin sent to me describing her morning at the courthouse.

"So I go in today on a status for one of the partners (same case that I got sent to where I showed up for “status” and plaintiff’s counsel was there for trial). Again, this does not go well. And the entire time I have two cups of coffee and a Diet Dr. Pepper filling up my bladder. I walk into the bathroom and the two end stalls are empty. The middle stall has an old homeless-looking lady in it…taking a VERY loud dump…while singing “He’s got the whole world in his hand”…with the DOOR OPEN. She stops singing when I walk in and says “hello” to me. I’m not sure how to react – do I stay and finally empty my bladder or do I jet out of there before things get stranger. I stay (I’m desperate). She moves onto “This little light of mine”. I’m washing my hands and I can feel her watching me. I’m trying to keep my bag on my shoulder while holding my jacket and scarf in between my legs. Crazy lady tells me not to put my stuff on the floor because that’s how people contract the bird flu. I finally leave."

Thank you, Fury, for reminding us all that life as an attorney sure is fancy.

Hey other lawyers: Feel free to email me stories of your glamorous life as an attorney, and I'll post them if they're funny. Ideally the story will involve homeless, crazy, or naked people.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

The Beginning of a New Friendship

On 1/14/08, Sandra James wrote:
Dearest One,
I am writting this letter with due respect and heartful of tears since wehave not known or met ourselves previously I am asking for your assistanceafter I have gone through a profile that speaks good of you. I want to find out if it's possible for you to deal with individual as to investment. I came across your profile and I feel it's highly reputable that is why I pick an interest getting across to you in respect of investment at my disposal. I will be so glad if you can allow me and lead me to the right channel towards your assistance to my situation now. I would like to use this opportunity to introduce myself to you. I am Sandra James 22Years Old Lady from (cote d ivore) ,the only daughterof Late Micheal James , My father is now late he was a well known cocoaand gold merchant business man in my country( cote d ivore) ,he was poisonedby his co-business partner a year ago. The main reason why I am contacting you now is to seek your assistance in the area of my future investment and also for a help hand over some huge amount of money in my possession. This fund ( US5.6 Million dollars) is deposited in a bank in my country in (cote d'ivoire) a years ago by my father he made me the sole beneficiary.I am now asking you to stand on my behalf,to stand as my partner and in time of the claim and investment as well. I have made up my mind to offer you 13%of the total money while the remaining will go into a productive investment. Pls attach your direct and full information as you reply to me. Thanks and remain bless.
Best Regards
Sandra James
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Dear Sandra,

I normally wouldn't respond to an email such as this, because a lot of times, I've heard they aren't real. But I am going to take a chance, because I'm pretty sure I can spot a phony when I see one. And I am pretty sure you're the real deal. And I really wish your heart full of tears goes away totally soon.

I am SO sorry your dad got poisoned. Getting poisoned is really the pits. Although I don't know anyone who has ever been poisoned. Except for food poisoning at a salad bar. But I don't think the salad bar place is anything like your dad's mean co business partner. He sounds like a real jerk. Do you have salad bars in your country ( cote d ivore)? I bet you do. ( cote d ivore) sounds so fancy. Do you have goats? I LOVE goats. Do you have pets?

I bet you drink a lot of cocoa since you're dad was a merchant of cocoa. We have nestle cocoa here. Do you have that brand there? I bet you do.

So, maybe I should tell you a little about myself. I'm blonde and tall and I live in Chicago, Illinois, USA. I have a brother and a sister and a mother and a father. (Sorry... I didn't mean to rub it in about the father part, but I suppose sooner or later you're going to have to just get used to people talking about their alive fathers, right?) I also have a dog. She's a cocker spaniel, and quite a rascal!

I also like girls. And sometimes more than just friends. Do you know what I mean? ;-). Do you have anybody like that in ( cote d ivore)? If so, then maybe I'll visit!

What's your favorite kind of music? I like all kinds, but my favorite song is a song called Opposites Attract by Paula Abdul. This is what wikipedia says about the song: "The lyrics are about a couple who love each other despite being different in just about every way possible." That really just sums it up nicely.

Anyway, I think that's as much information as I have. Is there anything else? Just let me know.

Thanks, and I hope you remain "bless" too! :-)

Grace
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I'll let you know if I get a response.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Goodness Knows, the Wicked's Lives Are Lonely

People can be good for people. In the last ten days or so, I've been hanging out with some seriously high quality people. And I think it makes me a better person.

For example, today I was on my way to pick up a friend to take her to lunch, and my CD player broke while my Wicked CD was inside. So I punched the CD player as hard as I could three times. And it started working again!

THEN I was doing my laundry and I came up with this brand new way to fold sweaters! It just came to me like a bolt of lightning.

It's all related.

A couple more days of this and I might be able to fly. Or at least not leave the house with toothpaste on my fucking shirt.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Personal Day

So, I took a "personal day" today. Back when I worked in the entertainment industry, if I called in to my boss and said "I'm taking a personal day" I would get laughed at. I once actually had to show up to work hours after a botched wisdom tooth extraction when I was bleeding my face off. Just so I could sit in a room and listen to a D List actress pitch us an idea for a reality show. Hollywood isn't the best place for a girl like me.

I'm seeming to be a more natural fit for government work, though.

I watched some kick ass bad television today, and drank a bunch of diet coke.

But now, I'm a little bored. And jacked up on caffeine.

ANYWAY. Thanks to everyone who gave me idea on what to blog about. Unfortunately, it just confirmed what I already sort of knew. I HAVE NOTHING OF SUBSTANCE TO TALK ABOUT. But I tried to comment a little about everything. I mean, if you went to the trouble, and I asked and all... I suck.


Scott Rose-

Thank you for checking in! We were getting worried about you! :)

Scott, I love you. To those of you who don't know Scott Rose, that's your fucking loss. Scott Rose is a smartie-pants who's also super funny and a total babe. And unless someone asks me first or I stop drinking, I'm gonna marry him. Check out his regular column in Mac/Life Magazine. It's on Page 88.

--------------------------------

Jackass-

An application for sister wives and waiving the requirements

I will waive the application process for sister wives for people who um have unique qualities to bring to our polygamy condo. Or if you make good martinis.

Drive thru issues

When the FUCK did McDonald's change its lunch hours to start at 11:00? It's supposed to be 10:30. fucking assholes.

And the dog....do I need to say anymore, Grace

Here's my counter. Why the FUCK are there dog prints all over it?





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Mr. Saddle Shoes-

We've had some primaries ... how about political commentary? I know you aren't afraid of alienating your readers with your opinions.

I'll wait for the sex tapes to be released.

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Dizzy-

The way the media fell all over itself to play up the big story this week - the Supreme Court voter rights case from Indiana.

Dizzy, you need to start blogging again. Seriously. What the fuck?? As far as the Supreme Court voter rights case, I'm sorry. I don't really care. I see both sides. Ultimately, does "Undue Burden" mean "I should be able to get through life being a total lazy fuck who can't be bothered to track down copies of birth certificates, but who still cares enough to vote?" Can I bring you a fucking beer and pizza with your ballot, too? Want a fucking massage, too?

On the other hand, I say that because it's not a problem I am personally burdened with. So if other people REALLY think it's an undue burden, and there's not an overwhelming voter fraud problem in Indiana, then why make it harder for the poor and stinky people?
-------------------

Biff-
cute new outfits!

I have no cute outfits. I have a few pairs of cute shoes but that's it. Here's my closet. I've got a lot of black, as you can see.



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David A.-

You mean to tell me there are NO Loud Talkers on the Red or Brown Line lately??

Actually, Loud talker on the Brown Line: Law Student Edition will be posted sometime this week.

Oh, yeah, and ... aren't you the one that says she watches everything having to do with Law & Order? Any comments about the latest cast additions to the show?

I haven't seen a new episode of L&O in forever.

----------------------

Daisy-

Lindsay Lohan's incessant wearing of leggings?

As long as LiLo has a bottle of bubbly stuck to her lips at all times, she'll always have my heart leggings or no. You hear me Lindsay?? Lose the drugs and booze = lose my love.

The freakish weather patterns in the United States?

I'm ok with it.

The CTA Doomsday that never comes but forces us to listen to the same horrible message over and over again to contact our state representatives?

SAVE THE 92!!! CALL YOUR REPS!!!! DON'T MAKE GRACE WALK TO THE EL!!! SAVE THE 92!!!!!! SAVE THE 92!!!!!!

My glorious new Cole Haan boots?

Let's see a picture, Daisy. I'll be the judge.

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That's all I got. For the moment. I hope I come up with something to say soon. Law With Grace = Snoozefest.

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Nothing Really To Say

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. There's really no good reason. Except my internet at home isn't really working. And I don't really have anything to say. So here are some non-newsworthy items.

1. I got a new dry cleaner. They seem nice.

And that's pretty much all I got.

(crickets chirping)

Anybody got any suggestions?