Friday, January 09, 2009

My Stolen Lines #1

I tried to think of the right answer. Unable to think of that, I spoke anyway.

"He wrote Breakfast at Tiffany's, right?"

"No, Dear. that was Truman Capote."

"Oh. Right. He's the In Cold Blood guy. Of course."

"No, Dear, that was also Capote."

"Oh. So then maybe I don't know."

"You might be thinking of the Executioner's Song. He wrote The Exectioner's Song."

"Oh. I guess I don't know..."

Norman Mailer's personal secretary smiled at me sympathetically. It's not my fault, her octogenarian eyes tell me. Things just aren't how they used to be.

The flight attendant approached. She asked if we wanted something to drink. I ordered wine, and pulled out my wallet.

The beverages are complimentary on international flights, I am informed.

I must have looked incredulously gleeful, because Norman Mailer's secretary asked me if this was my first intercontinental flight. I admit to her that yes, it was. She then asked if it was business or pleasure.

I tried to think of the right answer. Unable to think of that, I spoke anyway.

"I just ended a relationship."

I didn't elaborate. She was a grandmother. Not MY grandmother, but someone's grandmother, probably. And she was Norman Mailer's personal secretary for God's sake! I can't tell her the tawdry details of my life. She doesn't need to hear that, even if I couldn't tell the difference between Norman Mailer and Truman Capote. She smiled at me, like she absolutely knew the way I could mend my heart, but also knew that I was too young to believe her.

"So, what is it you're watching?" she asked me, referring to the tv that is above my tray table. I love Virgin Airlines. We each get our own TV.

"Oh....umm...it's just a movie...umm... it's called umm... Wild Things?"

"I've never heard of it," she said "What's the premise?"

I tried to think of the right answer. Unable to think of that, I spoke anyway.

"Well, that's Denise Richards... and that girl she's kissing, that's Neve Campbell. And that guy who's making out with both of them, that's Matt Dillon. I think they are trying to steal money from someone"

Oh. My. God. This movie is porn. It's, liike TOTALLY porn!! And I am watching it in front of a REALLY old lady! Who seems like a grandma. Who claims to be Norman Mailer's secretary! She's watching me watch it. Oh my god. The pool scene? Oh my god. I am humiliated. You should NOT be able to rent this on an airline called VIRGIN!!!! But I couldn't turn it off. That would be too obvious. Once you've started watching porn in front of a grandma, it's disrespectful to stop. It's like ageism, or something.

"Are you enjoying the movie?" she asked me.

I tried to think of the right answer. Unable to think of that, I spoke anyway.

"Well. It's... kinda hot. Right?"

--
The first 2 sentences and its repetitions are stolen from Night of the Avenging Blowfish by John Welter. It's part of Grace's Blog Experiment.

Update: Stolen Lines By:
Brand new blogger, Kristine
Brand new blogger, Patently Irrelevant
My Girl, Harmless Error
Daisy
Thinking Fool
Anonymous Hottie
Amanda
Five Tomatoes
Brita
Butterflyfish
EJ
Obsquatch
Legally (Ir)relevant
Fannie
Fianna
Artful Blogger
The Laundress
Kelli

To everyone who participated, thanks! It was really fun. We'll do it again.

14 comments:

Fianna said...

Hilarious!

Thanks for starting this Stolen Lines business. I really liked it and hope to see more.

EJ said...

It was so much fun! Until next Stolen lines!

Harmless Error said...

Holy shit that was hilarious.

Wait, its over? I thought there was no deadline!! Ok I'm doing mine sometime in the next 24 hours. Why can't I blog anymore?! Sigh.

Grace said...

NO Sweetie!!! There are no rules... write when you like... there's no deadline. And even if there was a deadline, you get an extension for being you...

vieve said...

Grace- I heart you. When is your 1st novel coming out?????

rita said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Brita James said...

I love it! And I also second what vieve said, bring on the full length feature :)

Butterflyfish said...

I really like this game. Maybe do another one in a few weeks?

Grace said...

You got it, Butterflyfish! I was thinking once a month... Will that work?

Thinking Fool said...

I've been getting pulverized in 2009, but want to do this! I'll let you know when I've "accomplished" this task, even if what I accomplish absolutely blows!

Daisy Duke said...

There was a deadline? I'm doing mine tonight biatch.

Also I gave you a blog award.

Thinking Fool said...

Well, that was fun! Thanks for organizing this!

As an aside, I walked into WILD THINGS about thirty minutes late (it was playing in two separate theaters in this particular megaplex). My date and I thought we had missed the first five minutes or so. We were a little surprised the credts began to roll about an hour after we got there!

Daisy Duke said...

I WROTE MINE.

Harmless Error said...

Mine is up!

Wild Things is so bad that it is incredibly fantastic. I'm pretty sure Matt Dillon was reading the script shaking his head in despair, got to the threesome scene, called his agent, and said "I'M IN."