Sunday, March 22, 2009

My Stolen Lines #3

There's something that I've been thinking about and wondering about and I'm very curious: am I the only one who knows?

No, honey. Everyone knows. Well, most people know.

Clearly not everyone.

No, but everyone should. But don't forget, there are exceptions.

Not really.

No, there are!

If there are exceptions, there's no way he was one of them.

Are you sure?

What do you mean?

Maybe he's a cowboy?

No

Maybe he handles sharp objects often?

No.

Does he work at the Renaissance Faire?

NO! He's a professional boxer.

Oh. Well, then, no... he really doesn't fall into one of the exceptions does he?

No. (pause) Do you think I overreacted?

Well, I don't know. (long pause) Was there fringe?

No.

Then it's hard to tell. It was your boss's wedding. and you kinda just didn't show up. That's not cool.

I KNOW! But I didn't have a choice! It was black-fucking-tie!

Was he trying to be ironic?

No. He's too stupid.

How could you not have seen this coming?

WHO SEES BEIGE SUEDE PANTS COMING??

Touche. Lower your voice, Gracie. What were you wearing?

Sorry. My black backless Halston.

Ugh. What a waste. You should have just gone.

I couldn't. (pause) Did I mention there was a matching vest?

WHAT?

Yes.

I didn't know that. I would have faked an asthma attack too. And then beat him to death with the matching suede vest. You did the right thing, Grace.

A Public Service Announcement- Men: Stay away from suede pants. And skinny jeans, while you're at it.


*I stole the first line of this post from Then We Came To The End, by Joshua Ferris

Update: Stolen Lines By:
Legally Irrelevant
Butterflyfish
Brita James
EJ
Five Tomatoes
The Shire Smartie
Kelli
My Favorite Future Firetruck, Obsquatch
Daisy
Kristine

5 comments:

Kristine said...

I'm glad you threw in skinny jeans. They really never should happen either. No exceptions for men. Not ever.

obsquatch said...

Next thing you know, spandex and overalls are gonna get kicked off the formal attire list.

EJ said...

oh how I love Stolen Lines!

Brita James said...

Suede pants and matching vests are appropriate for one man and one man only. The MARLBORO man. And well, we sort of know how he turned out as well. I'm willing to bank on the outfit not being a good look for anyone...

I've been busy dying with life but I just posted mine!! YAY. I heart STOLEN lines :)

legallyirrelevant said...

That was hilarious! Suede pants and matching vests are definitely no-nos!

I finally managed to participate.