Saturday, May 02, 2009
What to Do.
I have so many things to write about, and absolutely no time lately, so this is going to be messy. Actually, no it's not. I'll stick to this one topic and then write more tomorrow.
So, a couple of people have suggested to me that I should file a civil suit against the cabdriver. I never responded, because... well, I don't know.
But the fact is, I did file a civil suit. I filed it on the last day possible. It took that long to make up my mind. Sometimes, I was just so desperate to have the whole thing put behind me, that I didn't even want to contemplate any further litigation. Then, other times, I felt so exhausted and so tired and so sad and so stripped of my old self because of this that I got pissed off, and wanted to do everything to make anyone responsible pay for the damages they had caused.
I never in my wildest dreams imagined the cabdriver would be acquitted.
And now. I'm faced with this other thing. This lawsuit. I sort of put it in the back of my mind, the idea of having to go through depositions etc.. because all you hear about is how long civil lawsuits take to be resolved. I figured that I wouldn't even have to do a deposition for a year or so. When I was way less actively freaked out by the whole thing. I was wrong.
I got a phone call from my attorney on Friday telling me that my deposition would be in roughly a week.
I'm not ready to go through this again. Like, at all. It's too soon. Right? This might kill me.
Or, should I be happy it's now and suck it up and not be such a baby? Now, when I am still fucked up about the trial, that way, I can heal from it all at once and never ever ever have to look back once it's all done. Unless of course I have to testify in a civil trial. Which apparently rarely happens. But it might. But what if this is the thing that breaks me completely? It hasn't exactly been the best last few months, and anyone who knows me can pretty much attest that I've been more awful than usual to be around. Will this make me worse or better? I don't know if I have the stamina to feel worse than I do now, let alone how I felt three months ago. But, i don't know.
I don't know what to do. Should I go forward with this lawsuit, or should I back down? Someone just tell me what to do.
Oh, and the reason I am not directly asking anyone, is because I want voluntary answers. That's the best thing about blogs. You never have to comment. You can just pretend you never read this.
I have good and funny stuff to write about, too. And Stolen Lines, which apparently no one is digging this month's quote. It's just going to have to wait a day or so.
so anyway. feel free to tell me what to do. i want to know.