Tuesday, June 16, 2009

To All Bartakers Everywhere Who Are Reading This Blog:

Calm the FUCK DOWN.

Did you hear me? I'll say it again.

Calm the FUCK DOWN.

And maybe one final time... CALM THE FUCK DOWN.

Ok? Here's how I know a decent number of you are freaking out. In case you don't know, Sitemeter is this little tool that tells me who comes to my blog, and how they find my blog. Here are some of the searches that have led people to me:

"Bar Exam" & "Freaking out"
"Bar Exam Tips"
"I'm going to fail the bar exam"
"Bar Exam" & "want to die"
"Bar Exam" & "I'm a loser"
"Bar Exam" & "want to set myself on fire"
"Advice to those who failed the bar exam"
"Bar exam" & "can't stop crying"

Ok. Seriously. You need to chill out. I know that's totally unfair of me to say, because when I was studying for the bar, I asked my friend to hit me with his car, not hard enough to kill me, but just hard enough that I wouldn't have to take the bar exam. And I actually thought this was a reasonable request. So I get it. But he told me to calm the fuck down, and I did. And it helped.

I am in no position to offer actual tips on how to pass the bar, because quite frankly, I have no idea how I did it.

Here are just a few things I want to remind you of, even though I know you probably already know this.

Just because someone has all their barbri books tabbed and color coded, organized perfectly, with correlating colored flash cards, does not mean they are in a better position to pass the bar. This is not a method of learning. It's a method of feeling in control. It may not be your way. That's fine.

Most of you will pass.

Everyone feels the exact same way as you do.

Stop feeling guilty every time you catch yourself not studying. You need to take a break.


Right now, walk away from the computer. Take a breath. Take a walk. Have a drink. Have a smoke. Go have sex. Do something ELSE. The fact that you are googling the things you are googling to bring you to my blog is clearly a sign that you need to calm the FUCK DOWN, and take a break.

Just do it.



Scott Rose said...

You are fucking hilarious.

Butterflyfish said...


The timing of this post could not have been better.

LL said...

I wrote almost this exact same thing when I was taking the Bar last summer. Yours is funnier. I've been tempted to write something like it again this summer because if I read one more facebook away message about barbri I swear I'm going to shake someone.

The Namby Pamby said...

I can't stop crying. But that's because I drank too much at the bar.

your mom sleeps with squids said...

I find Barbri books a good means by which to hit on people.

Rolling Bone said...

I love that those search terms are what brought people to your blog, hahaha.

Jane Know said...

hahaha! this totally helped. (i'm taking my nurse practitioner boards in less than a month). especially the part about not having my study guides color-coded and all that...

Dakota said...

This is excellent advice! I plan on following it, right after I hit one of my fellow students with my car, at her request, of course...

NoReinsGirl said...

*SO* applies to any law school exam as well. O_O Perhaps its why I'm crying from laughing so hard.

Colby said...

Funny. This is how I found you too, though it was something like, "going to law school, taking the bar exam in my 30s, am I crazy to be thinking about this?" I've since decided I was crazy.

Redhoon said...

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you! Found you through a fellow tweeter who thought I could use it.

Rolling Bone said...

I could've used you when I took the bar, Grace. Not for your advice, though. More for your enjoyment of wine and reality television. And sexy times.

Vittoria said...

i may or may not have just fwded this to a bunch of people.

Sam Sachs said...

I peed a little when I read the part about how you asked someone to mow you down with his car 'just hard enough.'

Thanks for that.