Friday, July 24, 2009

Dear Criminal Defendants,

I know you guys aren't necessarily the smartest bunch, so here's a tip from me to you.

When you are in a criminal courthouse, generally, there are a few different kinds of people. There are people wearing black robes. Those are the judges. There are people wearing little blue jackets. They are the clerks. There are people with black uniforms and guns. They are the deputies. There are people who look like they smoke a lot of pot. Those people are either you or your public defender. There are people who are carrying a crapload of file folders and wearing black suits. Those are the prosecutors.

Now that you know that, let's take it one step further. If you are standing outside of your courtroom, waiting for the courtroom to be unlocked, and you see a woman in a black skirt suit carrying a crap load of file folders, don't assume she's a fellow defendant and ask if you can lick her legs. First of all, the answer will almost always be no, and second of all, there's a good chance she's there to prosecute your pervy ass.

Best Regards,

Grace (your prosecutor)

8 comments:

Harmless Error said...

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Ha.

Blazer said...

I hope this is one of the 10 you recently sent to the slammer. If I, who has a serious case of smite(?) for you, would wait an appropriate amount of time to make such a request.

Colby said...

Awesomeness.

BallerinaToes said...

Whats even better is when you are covering a docket for a friend, so are there to represent the defendant, and they ask to lick your legs, and then you walk out of the court room and a reporter is there waiting to ask "your client" why they screwed some old woman on an air conditioner they were supposed to install. And what did I have to say with the mic and camara stuck in my face? Um, "no comment" and to "client", "get your dumb ass on the elevator, and don't touch me." I feel your pain sister.

Tessa Hope Autumn said...

I just wanted to tell you I love your blog!

~Sue said...

Nice!! I laffed till I cried :)

rem said...

wait..."almost" always?

Jax said...

BAHAHAHAHAHAHA! This is awesome!!