Sunday, August 23, 2009

My Stolen Lines #6

Me: You really don't know what I'm talking about, do you?

Her: Not really, Grace.

Me: Well, it's just that I am unable to let go of things.

Her: That's tons of people, Gracie. I'm still angry at this fucking bitch I went to high school with who told everyone that I gave a blow job to...

Me: No... that's not what I mean. I mean like physical objects. Actually I can let shit like that go pretty easily. I don't hold grudges. I mean, sometimes I can't let go of physical objects, even when I need to.

Her: Again, Gracie, everyone has that problem. Why do you think your mom still has that ugly ass purple porcelain elephant next to the stairs? I have every single love letter that Ben ever sent me even though we broke up like 15 years ago. I have my size 2 jeans, for fucks sake.

Me: You know that's not it! I can get rid of stuff. I'm good at that. I'm not THAT sentimental. It's more like, I can't physically let go of stuff, even... no ESPECIALLY when it can hurt me. You know?

Her: You are being so hard on yourself, Grace. Stop it. Look at you. You quit smoking. You quit drinking coffee, diet coke. You quit eating meat. You take great care of yourself. Give yourself a break.

Me: You really don't know what I'm talking about, do you? I'm not explaining myself well. I don't know how to LET GO OF STUFF. For example, one time, my hair got caught in the curling iron in such a way that it was burning my scalp. All I had to do was let go of the handle, and the curling iron would fall to the ground. Another time, I was crossing the plaza with a big box of files, and I tripped over a power cord. If I let go of the box, I would have been able to use my hands to keep from falling on my face. But it didn't occur to me to let go of the box. You get it?

Her: Oh. OH! So literally... you can't let go of stuff?

Me: Yes. Literally. I can't let go of stuff.

Her: So, all you're saying is you're a stupid asshole?

Me: Yeah. I guess so.

Her: I understand that.

*** I stole the first line from Salaam Paris by Kavita Daswani as part of the Stolen Lines Experiment. Colby from Colby in the City found the line.

**Update Stolen lines from:
Lex Disciplus
Daisy, JD
Inaccurate Ninja
Ms. Foxy
Colby in the City
Harmless Error


Colby said...

I guess that can be a good thing in the right situation. Like say, if you were holding a baby and you tripped. Good that you'd save the baby first, before you, right?

Butterflyfish said...

i loved this

Sam Sachs said...

Delicious. Brightened my Sunday night, you stupid asshole (and I mean that in the MOST endearing way possible).

ArmyGirl said...

Haha...I had to laugh since someone has a coat that looks just like one I use to wear. I think it's an endearing quality.

Nel said...

Ha! I took me just as long as your friend to figure out where you were going with this one.

Thanks for the laugh!

Anonymous said...

Posted mine. Can we pick some FUN ones? Or maybe my life is just depressing as hell.

Ninja said...

Hi there. I lurk sometimes, and I think stolen lines is a really cool idea, so I tried this one. Thanks for the kick in the butt to use my brain! :-)