Sunday, November 29, 2009


First of all, I want to thank everyone for the congratulations. It really is pretty fucking awesome. And I am really excited.

So, I know that a lot of you (especially those of you who know me personally) were a little shocked by this news. Well, so was I. For those people who found out on this blog, and maybe... should have found out from me in a more personal way... well... I'm sorry. I sincerely am. I really wish that the right moment to tell you ever presented itself, but, it didn't.

I figured I'd go ahead and answer some of the more common questions that I've been asked thus far. As always, in no particular order.

1. Was this planned? Nope! Not a bit.

2. Who is the father? Scott Rose, Bob Newhart, or my boyfriend.

3. Are you guys getting married? All four of us? Not now. Ask me again later.

4. How far along are you? 9 1/2 weeks. Totally too early to be announcing that I'm knocked up. Whatever. I'm an idiot. Too many things could go wrong still...

5. How are you feeling? Really really tired. Like more tired than I've ever been ever in my entire life.

6. When did you find out? A couple of days before I left for Belize. So my Scuba diving, drinking and eating seafood vacation was slightly redesigned. Awesome nonetheless, though. It should be an absolute requirement for unmaaried accidentally knocked up lawyers to go on a solo vacation. Talk about clarity...

7. Are you happy? As terrified as I am, and as unprepared as I feel, I am over the moon. I have never, ever been so happy.

8. Are you showing? No. In fact, I have lost a little weight, because I puke a lot. Apparently it's not that big of a problem, as long as I make up for it later.

9. How's not drinking? Not the most fun, but actually, not that bad either. My Ob/Gyn told me that a glass of wine every couple of weeks or month is fine, so I ordered a glass a few weeks ago, but I couldn't even drink it. Tasted fucked up. You know what doesn't taste fucked up? DIET ROOT BEER!!!!!!! Never in my life was I a root beer lover until now. I've finished off a two liter in less than 36 hours. It's unbelievable. It's so good I want to cry. Is this something that everyone has known about forever, and I'm just slow?

Anyway...I really am going to try to talk about other things besides my knocked-upness. It might be hard, though. The whole carrying a potential person inside me tends to distract me. For example, tomorrow I get a second ultrasound, and at that ultrasound, you know what else is distracting? HAVING KNOCKERS.

On that note, I'm going to go pour some root beer and stare at my huge cans.

Friday, November 27, 2009

Huge Life News- A Haiku (or The Day Men Stopped Reading My Blog)

No Booze, Bigger Boobs
Lunch Was Turkey and Sweet Tarts
You Guessed It: Knocked Up

Details forthcoming...

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Delightful delicious rage

I had just finished telling my friend Obsquatch how I told a woman who honked her horn at me today that if she did it again, I would "FUCK HER UP." To make me feel better about my ragi-ness, he showed me the video he just made.

It fills me with joy. Thank you, Obsquatch. I hope you all enjoy it. A lot.

Friday, November 06, 2009

Dear My Dead Junkie,

Wow. It's that time of year again. Unlike last year, when the anniversary of your death almost escaped me, this year the I've been acutely aware that this day was creeping up. I've been doing a sort of morbid mental countdown.

Then today, I got an email from your mom. And from your friends. Similar to the emails that went around last year. One thing was vastly different, though. The tone of the emails. I guess THIS is the year everyone wants to remember you for your awesomeness- not for how tragically your young life came to an end. Pages and pages and pages of stories. Fucking hilarious stories. You had such an awesomely wicked sense of humor. Seriously, I am sitting here giggling. No one has ever made me laugh harder. No one ever will.

Do you remember, how you used to make fun of me, for having all those photographs everywhere all over my apartment? Well, you know after that one night in July, I moved out. When I moved into my new place, all those photos stayed in the closet. Not a single picture anywhere.

Well, now I've moved again. And you wouldn't believe all the ways my life has changed in the last year. Well, actually, I guess you would believe it. Anyway, slowly the pictures are coming back. I'm staring at your photo right now. You're on my bed, with my asshole dog, smiling. At me. I love this photo. I promise you that there will always be a spot for this photo in any home I ever live in.

Sweetie, we all miss you. We all love you. We are all better and, more importantly, funnier for knowing you. Maybe things would have been different if we had all made a point of telling you that a little more. or maybe not.

I will always be haunted by not knowing what happened. I can only hope that now you're at peace. And I believe, with all of my heart, that you are.

As for the rest of us? We're hanging in. Of course, you already know that, don't you?

Love Always,