Friday, November 06, 2009

Dear My Dead Junkie,

Wow. It's that time of year again. Unlike last year, when the anniversary of your death almost escaped me, this year the I've been acutely aware that this day was creeping up. I've been doing a sort of morbid mental countdown.

Then today, I got an email from your mom. And from your friends. Similar to the emails that went around last year. One thing was vastly different, though. The tone of the emails. I guess THIS is the year everyone wants to remember you for your awesomeness- not for how tragically your young life came to an end. Pages and pages and pages of stories. Fucking hilarious stories. You had such an awesomely wicked sense of humor. Seriously, I am sitting here giggling. No one has ever made me laugh harder. No one ever will.

Do you remember, how you used to make fun of me, for having all those photographs everywhere all over my apartment? Well, you know after that one night in July, I moved out. When I moved into my new place, all those photos stayed in the closet. Not a single picture anywhere.

Well, now I've moved again. And you wouldn't believe all the ways my life has changed in the last year. Well, actually, I guess you would believe it. Anyway, slowly the pictures are coming back. I'm staring at your photo right now. You're on my bed, with my asshole dog, smiling. At me. I love this photo. I promise you that there will always be a spot for this photo in any home I ever live in.

Sweetie, we all miss you. We all love you. We are all better and, more importantly, funnier for knowing you. Maybe things would have been different if we had all made a point of telling you that a little more. or maybe not.

I will always be haunted by not knowing what happened. I can only hope that now you're at peace. And I believe, with all of my heart, that you are.

As for the rest of us? We're hanging in. Of course, you already know that, don't you?

Love Always,

Grace

2 comments:

Rolling Bone said...

The difference in your voice is remarkable, Grace. So happy you're happy.

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