This is the month I become a parent. I wish I had more to report, but really that's all that's been going on.
I've had two baby showers. A third is scheduled for this weekend. Quite frankly, one would have been enough. But whatever. There was our actual friends and family shower, my work shower, and my fiance's (yes I said fiance) work shower.
We now have a crap load of baby stuff. And it really is all pretty cute.
Oddly, I'm not really that scared. I think I'm going to pretty good at this. And I know the fiance will be awesome.
I am scared of a few things regarding labor and delivery, though. Oh, and by the way I'm not scared of grossing anyone out, so if you're easily grossed out, feel free to stop reading right here.
It seems like an obvious thing, but whether or not you're actually in labor is not always that clear cut. It's not like in the movies, where you hear a big splash, look down to see a bucket worth of water on the ground, and that's your clue to to get your ass to the hospital. But then, how DO you know? Well, there a couple of ways. One, you start having contractions, I guess. But only the CORRECT kind of contractions. How do you know if they're the correct kind of contractions? I, of course, asked that question. My doctor looked at me like I'm the dumbest bitch with a uterus and said, "Oh, you'll know." Well. THANK you and fuck you. They clearly don't know what a dumbass I am. Maybe I won't know.
This is what brought me to Google, which my doctor had previously banned me from using for all pregnancy related topics. Well, fuck her, if she can't tell me how I'm gonna know if I'm going into labor, I need someone to do it. And google taught me the two most disgusting phrases in the English language. Are you ready?
1. Mucus plug
2. Bloody show
I have nothing more to say.