Wednesday, June 02, 2010

It Was Only A Matter of Time... Pregnancy Advice

Although I promised myself I would not be the person to offer unwanted advice to pregnant people, if you're Googling my blog and got to this page, you were likely Googling "pregnancy advice", anyway. And if you were just visiting my blog, because that's what you sometimes do, this won't affect your life anyway. Either way, YOU came to ME so it's hardly like the random woman in the elevator who told me about shitting myself while in labor, or the male attorney extolling the virtues of perineal massage*.

I can't offer a lot. Because I don't know a lot, but I figured I'd write down a couple of things that I found helpful. I'll do this every once in a while as I remember them. So here are my first two tidbits:

1. Don't look at the scale when you get weighed at the doctor's office. Why? It's just going to make you feel bad, even though logically you know you shouldn't be bothered. If you're a young American woman, any time the scale goes up for ANY reason, it's going to fuck with your head. So why do that to yourself? Your doctor WILL tell you if your weight is a problem. So let it go.

2. Stop eating asparagus around week 36. You have to give WAY too many urine samples. It's just rude.

*It's the taint, ok? I don't want to discuss this any further ever again.


Anonymous said...

One of the reasons I will not (even if I could) have children is purely the whole shitting myself on the delivery table thing. I don't give one eff how many nurses are used to it. No on, and I mean NO ONE, is wiping my ass.

Sam Sachs said...

Miss you a lot. Excited about the arrival of your spawn.

last call at the bar said...

Holy crap! I used to visit your blog regularly beginning with when I was taking the bar. Your blog was a bright spot for me during some miserable times. However, it probably has been at least 9 months since my last visit given this post. Congratulations! I hope everything goes quickly and without a hitch. I'll be joining you in motherhood in about 20 weeks :)